


None So Blind

by Viridian5



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Drama, Humor, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-04
Updated: 2004-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:36:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sanzo is blinded, everyone sees things differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "A Guide to the Nether World," "Where the Gods Are," "Unnatural Talismanic Monk," "A Twilight Farewell," "The Laughing Grim Reaper," "The Scarlet Curse," and "Hymn for the Living."
> 
> Thanks to the LJ readers for feedback and encouragement.
> 
> I've mixed a bit of the manga stuff in here--like how Kanzeon Bosatsu is a hermaphrodite--but this is mostly anime-based.

His head pounding, Sanzo awoke in total darkness. When he tried to sit up, gentle but firm hands kept him lying down as Hakkai said, "I did too much work on you to let you ruin it this way. It's good to have you back with us, Sanzo."

It annoyed Sanzo that he couldn't see Hakkai or any of the rest of them. No, it was just Hakkai here, because he would hear Goku and Gojyo even if he couldn't see them. "How long?" He remembered the battle now: an ordinary fight against ordinary youkai, he and his band efficiently dispatching them as usual, then darkness.

"Two days. We've been taking turns keeping watch."

Sanzo knocked Hakkai's hands away. "What happened?"

"You were struck from behind. You had a head injury as a result." Hakkai used his light, bullshitting voice. Something was wrong.

"What aren't you telling me? How bad was it?"

"Head injuries are chancy things even with my healing. I'm glad that your memories and reason appear to be intact."

Sanzo could hear a "but" coming. Then it hit him. "It's not dark in this room, is it?"

"No, Sanzo," Hakkai replied quietly.

Blind. He was fucking _blind_ now. Helpless, weak.... .

"Now that I know that you're blind," Hakkai said quickly, "I may be able to heal it. There was so much damage that I tended what looked worse first." Then he made a small sound. He probably hadn't intended to reveal that much. "It's two days later, so I have my energy back."

It was two days later, so whatever had gone wrong had time to get worse, but Sanzo didn't bother saying that. "Try it."

He felt Hakkai's hands settle at his temples, warm and a little sweaty, and smelled plain soap. The flow of healing chi felt like intense sunlight but didn't lighten the darkness, yet Sanzo said nothing, giving it time to work. The energy pouring into him made him feel restless and nearly itchy, yet he stayed still and listened to Hakkai's harsh breathing.

"I can't... can't find it. Can't fix it." He sounded tired as he took his hands away, leaving the skin they'd rested on feeling suddenly cold. "There's swelling still, but that needs time to subside. It may be that as the swelling eases your sight might return."

"Or it might not." Sanzo had to get himself used to that idea fast. Hope was too painful. "Internal swelling. How bad was that head wound? Don't lie to me."

"Sanzo--"

"You do me no favors by lying to me."

"It was... very bad. The blow had put a hole in your skull, leading to internal bleeding and swelling. There were bone splinters in the wound that I had to clear away.... I had to create another hole to evacuate the expanding hematoma and relieve the compression of your brain." Hakkai sounded almost defiant, as if he thought to punish Sanzo for demanding to know. "Gojyo and I made sure that Goku didn't see you at your worst."

Sanzo could imagine Goku's reaction to seeing him lying facedown on the ground with a deep, bloody head wound or watching Hakkai drill another hole in his skull. Goku's limiter diadem had shattered while he was under severe emotional stress before.

The thought of what Hakkai must have done to his skull disgusted him, but at least he was alive to be disgusted. Sanzo put his hands up to his head to try to find the wound and jumped as Hakkai took his right hand and lightly put it near a large bandage at the back of his head. "Let go of me." What, did Hakkai think he had the right to touch him without permission now that he was disabled? The bandage prevented him from getting any conception of the size of the wound.

Hakkai stopped infringing on his space but said, "You're fortunate to be alive."

"Yeah." He felt really fucking fortunate right now.

"Even if the blindness is permanent, you can still lead a productive life. I'm nearly half-blind, and it doesn't hold me back."

"You did that to yourself."

Hakkai laughed a little. "Yes, but at the time I didn't think I'd live much longer." Perhaps he realized that he hadn't helped himself or Sanzo with that, because he made a small sound of dismay, then said, "There are people more powerful than I am that we might appeal to."

Sanzo snorted. "Se might help me if it didn't amuse hir more to keep me blind. What do you think se'd find more entertaining?" He could imagine hir laughing hir divine ass off as they spoke. Kanzeon was merciful only in title.

"We will get through this."

We? He was the only one who'd been blinded. _He_ would have to get through this. "Leave, Hakkai."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Disarmed and blind, he received no respect. "I need to think. I can't do that with you somewhere in the room when I can't fucking see you." He could hear and _feel_ Hakkai in the room but not well enough to get a fix on his location, so it only distracted him.

Hakkai took in a breath, and Sanzo wondered if Hakkai still bothered to smile when no one could see him. Finally, he said, "All right, Sanzo, but I'll be next door. Yell if you need anything." A hint of humor crept into his voice at the last sentence, since everyone knew how well Sanzo could yell.

Sanzo heard the door open and close. After waiting a few minutes, he said, "This time, you're really going to leave." He could still hear the bastard breathing.

Hakkai made a small sound, then said, "Of course. Yes." This time he actually left the room.

Sanzo sat up carefully, fighting the dizziness, and just as carefully turned to put his bare feet on the floor. From the feel of things, he wore only his jeans. Aside from the chakra mark on his forehead, there was no clue to anyone looking at him of what he was. Surely his gang of idiots had left his things in the room with him. After putting his hands on the edge of the bed, he stood. On his first step he barked his toe on something and cursed quietly, not wanting Hakkai next door to realize that he'd gotten up. Groping outward, he found a chair that Hakkai must have sat on while watching him.

Sanzo had no idea how large this room was or where anything in it was. Concentrating hard, he put his arms out and started to slowly walk. From how worn the carpet felt beneath his feet, it might be a small room in a shitty inn, but he couldn't assume. He couldn't assume anything anymore.

By the time he found the table with his belongings on it, his head spun and he could feel sweat beading down his skin. His rolled-up sutra felt warm and vaguely alive beneath his fingertips. At least those bastard youkai hadn't gotten away with that too. He snarled when he touched his reading glasses. The small, cool rectangular shape had to be his lighter. His gun felt cool as well. Usually both were warm from use and his body heat. Two days.... He found his cigarettes and a box of bullets next. Pulling out a cigarette and flicking the lighter open to get a light proved to be no problem, but he couldn't actually connect flame with cigarette correctly, burning his fingers as he tried. Damn it. He didn't want to go on living if he needed someone to fucking give him a light every time.

After ruining two cigarettes, one of them by lighting the wrong damned end, he finally got the third one lit. The smoke felt so good as he drew it in and out. He let the cigarette dangle from his lower lip as he reloaded his gun, taking only a little longer to do it than usual. After so many years with the Smith &amp; Wesson, he didn't really need to see it to do this. His body knew.

He set its length against the side of his face, comforted by its familiar shape and feel and the smell of metal and gunpowder. It slowly warmed against his skin.

When the monks had given the 13-year-old, newly named Genjo Sanzo a choice of weapons to take with him on his mission to retrieve his murdered master's sutra and get justice, he'd chosen this gun. It might not be as obviously impressive as the various blades he'd seen, but he had been able to handle it easily and hide it when necessary, something he couldn't say for those other weapons.

He'd also known that he could blow his own head off with it if he had to.

After the various beatings and wounds he'd taken over the years, he shouldn't be so surprised that fate had at last dealt him something this serious. This was the path he'd taken. And life sucked.

He wanted to go back to bed and wallow in his misery. After everything he'd seen and been through, didn't he deserve a rest from fighting just to keep going? Simply walking around a small room and lighting a cigarette had left him exhausted and demoralized. If his sight didn't return, he'd have to reorient himself for the rest of his life. How could he do his mission to the west while disabled?

Yet... how could he not? His own sutra was still here. Gyumaoh's minions still worked to free the demon king, and they still had Sanzo's master's sutra. The minus wave continued to keep youkai in a state of homicidal insanity. These things would persist whether Sanzo remained blind or not. If he let one asshole youkai's act turn him aside, he was admitting defeat.

His master had told him to be strong, and he knew that he was not strong. Being injured so stupidly like this proved it.

But that didn't mean that he had to be weak.

The others would probably think him insane to want to continue on. Perhaps he was, but he'd much rather die in an act of defiance than by eating his own gun. In any case, people had thought that a 13-year-old fresh from a monastery armed only with a gun, a sutra, and a bad attitude wouldn't survive either, and he'd proven them wrong.

He was pissed off, and he wanted to share that with the world.

  


* * *

As Hakkai sat on the bed, he was sure that he looked calm and unruffled. Inwardly, he vibrated with horror and nerves even as Hakuryuu pressed his head against Hakkai's hand in an effort to calm him. While he hoped to have that inner vibration under control by the time Gojyo and Goku returned and he had to tell them the news, he doubted he would be so fortunate.

Fortunate. In many ways, they had been fortunate. Sanzo had awoken. It seemed that he retained his memory and personality intact. He hadn't been paralyzed.

Hakkai had been so relieved when Sanzo had opened his eyes and spoken. That relief had started to die when Sanzo's usually sharp violet eyes stared off into space instead of focusing on him.

Considering all the enemies they had, Sanzo's blindness might even be caused by something other than the head injury. Someone with power could have taken advantage of his current vulnerability. Hakkai couldn't tell.

He'd failed. He hadn't covered Sanzo properly during the battle, hadn't healed him well enough then, and couldn't heal him the second time. He knew that an application of chi energy couldn't fix everything....

Sanzo was a very proud man, with a hatred, fear, and horror of being "weak." How would he survive this?

"Hakkai! How could you leave Sanzo alone?" Goku said. Gojyo loped in behind him. They both had bags of groceries.

Hakkai instinctively put his protective smile on. "He's awake and wanted to be alone."

"That's great!" Goku's face lit up.

But Gojyo asked, "What's wrong, Hakkai?" He was far more perceptive than he let most people see.

"Sanzo is well. Cranky and in full possession of his faculties." Under Gojyo's steady gaze, Hakkai murmured, "But there is a problem." How could he say this to Goku? "He can't see."

"Can't see what?" Goku asked, apparently unable to imagine what Hakkai meant.

Gojyo got it. Unfortunately, he expressed it as "He's _blind_?"

Goku's eyes widened. "Blind?" he asked softly.

"It might be temporary," Hakkai said quickly. "When I tried to heal him again I saw some swelling. Once that goes down, he might be fine." He saw Gojyo understanding what "might" meant.

But Goku took it as absolute certainty. "Sanzo's strong, so he'll be fine. But he's going to be really pissed off for a while."

Gojyo shuddered dramatically. "We're in for it."

Bless him for trying.

"After two days, he must be starving!" Goku said. "I'll bring him some food!"

"Not yet!" Hakkai said. "Like you said, he's really pissed off. You should give him time to cool down."

"Good idea, Hakkai."

"There's no reason for you to starve yourself."

Eating, Goku would be distracted and easier to deal with. It worked just as Hakkai had hoped. Goku ate with an enthusiasm that he hadn't shown in two days.

But Gojyo sat on the edge of the bed with Hakkai, put an arm around his shoulder, and rested his head against his. "Cheer up, okay?"

"I failed to heal him. Twice," Hakkai murmured softly against the side of Gojyo's face.

"You're exhausted. If not for you, he'd be dead."

"He might not see life as a blessing." At that, Hakkai had a sudden horrible thought. "His gun is still in the room with him. What if he decides to take--"

"He's _blind_. How's he gonna get to it?"

"He's Sanzo."

They looked at each other, then Gojyo said loudly, "Hey, monkey--"

"Don't call me that!" Goku yelled through a mouthful of food.

"You wanna save some of that for Sanzo? We're thinking we should bring him some grub."

"I thought we were gonna save it for until he was less pissed off."

"We realized that he'd starve to death first."

Goku smirked, then said, "Okay!"

If Sanzo planned suicide, it wouldn't be a good idea to have Goku with them to see it, yet if they tried to ditch him right now he'd get suspicious and follow anyway. Goku picked up a bag of food and followed them out.

None of them had heard a gunshot. That left room for hope.

When they opened the door, Hakkai saw Sanzo standing there with a cigarette in his mouth and his gun resting against his face, which sparked conflicting thoughts. From the lit cigarette he thought that maybe Sanzo's sight had returned after all, while the placement of the gun suggested either suicide to come or the physical intimacy a person had with a lover. If Sanzo planned to kill himself, surely he'd have the end of the barrel placed against his head instead....

When Sanzo opened his eyes and turned his head toward them, his eyes stared into eternity without finding them. "What the hell do you want?" At least he put the gun down before Goku came in.

"Sanzo! I brought food for you!" Goku said.

Sanzo's mouth twitched. "Stupid monkey." But it had that hint of fondness that crept in now and then.

Hakkai said, "I see that you're already learning how to get around." Scaring the hell out of them.... He could feel Gojyo relax next to him.

"Tch. Since you're all here, I might as well tell you what happens next."

This should be interesting. Hakkai closed the door. "How did you know that Gojyo's here?"

"He's obnoxious to all of my senses."

"Asshole monk," Gojyo muttered.

Sanzo leaned against the table, almost facing them. It hurt to see him staring at nothing like that. Clad only in his old jeans, he looked so young, too thin, and too scarred. Bandages on him were too familiar a sight. Blinded, he might not care that Hakkai had cut away some of his hair in the wounded areas, but Sanzo _could_ be vain. For now, the bandage hid them.

"I'm still going west," Sanzo said. "It's up to you if you go with me. Whether you do or not, I'm still going. I can still hear enemies coming, and I can still fire a gun and use the sutra."

Hakkai smiled at Sanzo still being Sanzo. Goku immediately said, "Of course I'm going!"

But Gojyo asked, "How the hell would you get there without Jeep?"

"I'd walk. I've done it in the past." Sanzo tilted his head and winced a little, probably at the pain. "Does that mean you and Hakkai aren't going?"

"I can't speak for Hakkai, but I gotta tell you that I'm not traveling with a suicide-to-be."

Hakkai had wondered at that possibility himself but never would have brought it up so openly.

"This isn't about suicide. This is about making them suffer and fucking up their plans for what they did to me."

A very Sanzo reason. He'd definitely come away from his injury with his personality intact. Although Hakkai sometimes thought that might not be such a blessing.

"Then I'm all for that if Hakkai's still going."

"Of course I am," Hakkai said. Wrapped around his neck, Hakuryuu let out an affirmative "Kyuu!" as well.

Gojyo smiled. "Then you got me too. I don't have anything better to do right now."

"Not that I care whether you go or not, but it's good to know," Sanzo said. He could be such a pain in the ass.

"Perhaps the Three Aspects or Merciful Goddess might heal you if your blindness impeded your mission," Hakkai said.

"Or they might send another Sanzo in to take your sutra and take over," Gojyo said, raking the muck as usual. It made Hakkai smile.

"If they did that, he would have to pry it from my corpse," Sanzo answered.

It looked as if suicide was definitely not an option Sanzo was considering. Thankfully. Continuing the mission would be better for him than lying around brooding and moping. It would actually be less stressful on his companions as well, particularly Goku.

"Now you have to eat!" Goku said. "I even bought mayonnaise for your ramen."

Gojyo looked disgusted. "It's a shame that blow to the head didn't improve your taste, Sanzo."

"You _are_ hungry, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked. "Is there any nausea?"

"_I_ feel nauseous now," Gojyo said.

"That's not what I'm asking."

"I'll eat," Sanzo said. "But not in front of you."

"We're not good enough for you, Sanzo-sama?" Gojyo asked.

But Hakkai understood. In his pride, Sanzo wouldn't want them to watch him fumble blindly with his food and utensils and would resent anyone trying to help him. "Let him eat alone. Besides, I could use some sleep."

Gojyo smiled _that_ smile. "Yeah, sleep would be good." He was incorrigible.

So was Hakkai, since he felt desire start to heat his blood, welcome after two days of uncertainty and worry had kept it away. "After I make some food for Sanzo."

"Sure, sure."

"I'm staying," Goku said.

"Monkey--" Sanzo started to protest.

"I'm staying. I won't watch you, but I'm staying." When he planted himself on the bed, the springs protested loudly. Sanzo let out an annoyed snort but said nothing more.

Hakkai heated up some food for Sanzo and led him, over his snarls and protests, to a chair to sit down and eat it at the table. "If you need any help--"

"--you're next door being screwed by the cockroach," Sanzo said softly. "I know."

"Sometimes I screw him. Enjoy your meal."

"Not with that image in my head." But Sanzo was nearly smiling. You had to know him to see it.

There would be difficulties, but Sanzo could get through it by being a stubborn son of a bitch, which he was well capable of. They would continue on.

Hakkai left him with these parting words: "So says the man who likes mayonnaise on his ramen." Sanzo's paper fan missed him by about ten millimeters. Hakkai tossed it back onto the table and said, "Perhaps you'll survive the trip west if you keep working on your aim."

"Keep talking so I know exactly where you are."

Cheered, Hakkai closed the door. When he came into the other room, Gojyo stood up and asked, "How's the emperor doing with his feast?"

"He threw his fan at me. It almost hit me."

"He _is_ doing better." Gojyo grabbed him and kissed him deeply.

Hakkai melted against him but said, "I _am_ tired, Gojyo. I don't want to fall asleep on you."

"I don't mind. You've been wearing yourself out. But I'll try to keep you awake."

"But quietly. Sanzo seems to be paying more attention to his hearing now."

"I'm not the one who's the noisiest."

"Then I'll take my own advice."

  


* * *

The spoon hit the bowl with a dull clunk. Again. To his humiliation, Sanzo had gotten more soup on himself than in his mouth. And trying to use the chopsticks had been especially demeaning. He wanted to beat on the table in his frustration but that would only splash him with more soup.

"Sanzo," Goku said, "you're getting food everywhere. Let me help."

He didn't care so much if Goku saw him like this, since the monkey had no table manners whatsoever and knew it very well. Goku's reaction to his display was just that he was wasting food.

"You're not licking it off me."

Goku made a sound that mated a snort and a laugh. "That's not what I meant." He walked noisily and with energy. As he stood next to Sanzo he smelled of food, earth, and boy.

"You're not feeding me."

"Probably not. If I tried, I'd probably eat it instead."

"Thank you so much for your honesty." Maybe he had to slow down even more to get it done. He could smell the soup and feel it against his spoon. He just had to make sure he didn't scoop too much up at once. Then he had to orient the spoon correctly at his lips.

Damn it, he'd only been blind for a few hours and he was completely bored of and frustrated with it. How would he deal with this for the rest of his life?

Sanzo heard a chair scrape against the floor and felt Goku looking at him. Shit. "What?"

"I'm glad you let me stay. I got bored of the town, and I don't like being around while Hakkai and Gojyo eat each other. It's worse than Gojyo with his women because here I know both of them."

Occasionally Sanzo could make out a catch of breath or low groan coming from the next room. He refused to think about it. "Yeah."

  


* * *

"Are you insane, Hakkai?" Gojyo asked.

"Not the last time I looked. Then again, the last time I was insane, I didn't know it at the time." Hakkai dodged as Goku ran down the hall happily burbling something about breakfast.

"The monk hits us enough as is," Gojyo continued. "Now you're gonna give him a cane to add to his arsenal when he's more pissed off than usual?"

Hakkai carefully twirled the white cane, pleased by its light weight. "He rarely hits me."

"That's wonderful. For you."

"It's not heavy. Its purpose is to let Sanzo know that there's an obstruction in his path before he bumps into it."

"Heh. Sorry. I just had a fun mental image."

"It would probably break if he attempted to club you or Goku with it. I should probably tell him that."

"Yeah, that would be a good idea."

When they opened the door, Sanzo had just finished pulling one of his fingerless gloves on. He already had the slinky black top on, but his other arm remained bare. It made Hakkai's breath catch. Hakkai never felt any desire for Sanzo while the monk wore just pants or jeans, because Hakkai was too accustomed to him being injured while dressed like that and one did not lust after one's helpless patients. But when Sanzo put more clothing on, particularly the clothing of his station, he reminded Hakkai of just what a remarkably attractive looking man he was.

Knowing that Gojyo was dealing with his own pangs of Sanzo-lust at the moment, Hakkai took advantage of his distraction to say, "Sanzo, this cane is for you. It should be helpful," and hand it to Sanzo.

Sanzo held it horizontally in both hands. "Perfect. I want the whole world to know that I'm blind."

"It'll find out anyway if you're running into things."

"Tch."

Gojyo made a strangled noise behind him as Sanzo appeared to be stroking and fondling the length of the cane with both hands. Hakkai felt some effects at the sight himself. Finally, Gojyo said, "Gotta go. Excuse me," and quickly walked off.

Sanzo snorted, which suggested that he knew exactly what he'd been doing. Hakkai said, "That wasn't very nice," but couldn't help feeling some amusement.

"I don't like an audience, and it means I don't have to listen to him talk. I heard the both of you in the hall."

"Then you know that the cane isn't strong enough to club people with."

"I can feel that too."

"I'm going to check and change your bandages."

Sanzo made a sound of annoyance but gestured for Hakkai to come over. The wound and evacuation area were healing very nicely thanks to Hakkai's application of chi and wouldn't need bandaging at all tomorrow. So tomorrow he might get an earful if Sanzo discovered the small bald patches by feel. He'd tell him that his soft golden hair was long elsewhere and might drape over the areas nicely. Hakkai would not think about running his fingers through Sanzo's hair for more recreational purposes. As soon as Hakkai finished the new bandages, he stood and returned to the doorway, staying out of arms' length of temptation.

Sanzo looked so fetching with one arm bare.

"Hakkai, I have to finish dressing before I go downstairs. I won't do it with you standing in the doorway."

Hakkai almost asked if he needed help. Fortunately, he collected his wits in time. "Yes. We'll see you soon." He closed the door and went to breakfast. Gojyo might be finished jerking off by now.

  


* * *

Soon. Nothing happened "soon" since Sanzo had lost his sight. Everything took more time, effort, and thought. It galled. It tasted like bile at the back of his throat.

This morning he'd wasted a few minutes wondering why it had still been so dark when he awoke. It hadn't truly sunken in yet....

Once Sanzo finally finished dressing in his full regalia--even to the veil and coronet, which hurt his head but covered the bandages--he secreted his remaining belongings in various places. His boxes of bullets, gun, pack of cigarettes, lighter, gold card, and reading glasses he tucked into his sash. The inclusion of the reading glasses mocked his philosophy of non-attachment, but if he did regain his sight he'd feel foolish to have left them behind. He put his fan up the right sleeve of his robe.

He picked up the cane and twirled it. At the monastery as a child he'd learned to fight with a staff and practiced illicitly with his broom as well, but this cane was too thin and light to deliver a proper blow. It had a loop at one end, which he placed around his wrist. He held the cane and swept it slowly in front of him, tapping a few objects at the edges of his sweeps.

He might be able to hurt someone with it if he poked the right place. If he could fucking _find_ the right place.

He took careful steps in the hall and careful steps down the stairs, the last slowly enough that he didn't misstep or falter even once. Once he reached the dining room he had to hold the cane nearly vertically and feel his way through by the use of his hands, since the tables stood so close together. He avoided touching most people by noticing the heat of them before his fingers settled.

Someone grabbed his wrist. "I just found a new fetish. Look at what monks keep for themselves," the infringing asshole said.

"Xiaohu, that's a Sanzo!" someone hissed.

At least he'd taken the cane's loop off his wrist already. Sanzo dropped the cane, pulled out his gun, and quickly moved it forward until its barrel pressed against something warm and unyielding. He'd set it against enough skulls in his time to recognize the feeling. It was probably the asshole's head, but he wouldn't mind threatening the asshole's friends either. "At this range, I can't miss. Let go now."

"You wouldn't. You're a--"

The gun made a loud and unmistakable sound as he started to pull the trigger. Once the hand let go of him, Sanzo pulled his gun away and kept walking. A few minutes later he heard something rushing at the back of his head. He dodged to the side, then heard the familiar hum of a chi force field nearby and a clunk as something hit it.

"It's rude to infringe upon the person of a blind holy man," Hakkai said softly but in a way that the whole dining room could hear. "It's also dangerous to your spiritual health."

After a few tense minutes without anything else flying at him, Sanzo continued walking to his group's table, finding them by sound and scent, and sat down in an empty chair. Hakkai handed him his cane and said, "I took it upon myself to spare you the trouble of retrieving it." He smelled of soap and energy now, with no trace of the musk Sanzo had smelled from him earlier. Well, he'd been with the perpetually horny kappa.

Hakkai knew how to talk around Sanzo. Which could be dangerous....

A walking sound and scent of perfume, food, sweat, and woman preceded the sound of a bowl being placed in front of him. Shit. Now he'd have to eat in front of them. Dressing himself and getting here had taken up so much of his attention that he'd forgotten that this would follow. This would also be the first time he had to deal with food and his robe's dangling sleeves at once.

But he would mercilessly mock someone who'd starved himself to death out of self-consciousness.

Annoyed, Sanzo pushed his sleeves back past his elbows, found his spoon, and began to use it very slowly and very carefully. As far as Sanzo could tell, it worked. He spilled nothing. Not having to use chopsticks helped, but he would master those too, dammit. In time and with more practice, he would speed up as well.

"Oi, Sanzo, are you eating that or making love to it? What happened to getting out on the road as soon as possible?" Gojyo asked. Sanzo could sense his smirk and hear Hakkai murmuring, "Gojyo...."

In response, Sanzo ate slower.

  


* * *

The sounds of wind, terrain, and Jeep's operation unfortunately didn't cover the racket coming from the back. Sanzo gritted his teeth and slouched deeper into his seat. Blinded, he didn't have anything he could look at to distract him.

"You cheater!" Goku yelled.

"Cheat? I don't have to cheat against an idiot like you to win! I could win blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back!" Gojyo answered.

"You're so full of shit."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh yeah?"

Unable to stand the brainless repartee any longer, Sanzo pulled out his fan, whipped around to face them, and walloped anything he could reach with it. The chorus of pain and "what did you do that for?" helped him find his targets and warmed his heart. Not so disabled after all, was he?

"Ow! My eye!" Gojyo yelled.

__

His eye? "Don't you fucking start with me," Sanzo growled.

"I thought we'd never have to deal with this again from the blind wonder," Gojyo muttered, but Sanzo heard him and smacked him with the fan some more. "Ow! That's my other eye, you dickweed!"

"Don't make me start looking for your mouth."

To his relief, it finally settled them down. He turned around again and sat in his place.

"Routine can be comforting," Hakkai said, sounding happy, and Sanzo knew exactly which smile he'd have on his face.

Sanzo didn't answer that.

How much more did he have to take today? What time of day was it, anyway? How long had they been driving? He didn't have any idea, nor would he ask.

  


* * *

Hakkai watched Sanzo settle back into his habitual "don't bother me; I'm sleeping" pose: arms crossed, head tilted down, eyes closed and shaded by his long bangs, as if Sanzo didn't usually monitor everything around him from under his lashes while doing that anyway. Not that Sanzo could see that way anymore. It made Hakkai's smile fade. This veneer of normality couldn't last.

So far Sanzo had adapted fairly well and with far fewer complaints than Hakkai had expected. That couldn't last either. Paranoid and naturally high-strung, Sanzo nearly vibrated today with the tension and effort of using his other senses to compensate for his lost sight. How many days would he have to do that for? It would make him tired, which would make him crankier, which would put a sharper edge on his caustic, poisonous tongue.

Two hours later, he fell asleep for real, the difference detectable in his deeper breathing and the release of some of the tension in his shoulders and neck. Hakkai glanced over now and then as he drove to make sure that Sanzo retained his seat, but it seemed that he didn't have to worry, because Sanzo's body adapted to Jeep's movements even while unconscious. They'd been on this road that long.... Even Goku's cries of "I'm hungry!" didn't wake him.

At least they hadn't been attacked by youkai today. How well Sanzo could do in battle could be demonstrated after he'd gotten through more time and a little more healing.

In another three hours, Hakkai stopped Jeep for the night, which finally woke Sanzo. From his stillness and the sudden acceleration of his breathing, Sanzo was upset about something but trying to hide it. Guessing, Hakkai said, "It's late, and we won't reach a village for a while yet, so we'll sleep outside in the jeep."

"It's-- yeah," Sanzo answered and removed the coronet and veil, revealing his bandages.

He obviously hadn't realized that night had fallen, and why would he?

"Are you hungry, Sanzo?"

"I'll just sleep." And he did, almost immediately.

"Just hug him already, Hakkai," Gojyo murmured to him. "You should get beaten up for once."

"What?" Hakkai whispered back.

"You have that 'you poor thing' look going."

"You're being silly."

"Nope."

"Jealous?" But Hakkai asked it lightly.

"Could you guys do this another time?" Goku asked.

"You've slept through being attacked," Gojyo said. "Our talking is keeping you awake?"

"I'm just thinking that talking about Sanzo when he's so close isn't a good idea. He's just tired and blind, and that won't last forever, okay?"

"Of course, Goku," Hakkai said. "Good night."

  


* * *

Although Sanzo could feel the heat of the sun shining on his face and hair, his eyes saw only darkness. Would this disorientation every time he woke up continue forever? Fuck, wouldn't it be worse if it stopped because he'd been blind long enough to become accustomed to it?

The head resting on his right shoulder and hand on his left had to belong to Goku. Anyone else touching him in his sleep would have brought him to full alert the moment it happened. The little bastard better not have drooled on his hair. He heard his three companions breathing in the deep, steady way of sleep, with Goku and Gojyo snoring.

Sanzo gently and slowly unwrapped Goku from his upper body and set him resting atop the seat back instead. The little monkey murmured disconsolately, then ruined it by muttering, "But... Sanzo... _meat buns_....."

And some of Sanzo's hair _was_ wet with drool. Still, he wanted to get away alone for a while more than he wanted to smack the top of Goku's head and possibly wake him up.

Sanzo found his cane and carefully navigated his way, counting his steps, to a tree that might give him some privacy. He stubbed his toes on three stones, stumbled once, and probably mowed the grass through the violence of his cane sweeps. Once he finished relieving himself, he took out a cigarette and his lighter. Damn but he needed a cigarette, having been unwilling to attempt to light one in front of an audience yesterday. He could too easily set his sleeves on fire or, worse, his bangs, which would have resulted in a head-slapping fluster dance to put it out that Gojyo would never let him live down.

Sanzo put his arms up to make the sleeves of his robe fall to his elbows, then started. After three tries, two cigarettes, and two burns on his fingers, he got one lit and savored the flow of smoke into his body.

Over the smell of his cigarette he could detect the sudden scents of incense and flowers. "How the mighty have fallen," Kanzeon Bosatsu purred. He briefly wondered if se bothered manifesting the heavenly lights for him, since he couldn't see it.

"Do you have anything to do with this, bitch?" he answered.

"As entertaining as it's been for me to watch, no. Why should I work to put obstacles in your path when so many other people are willing to do it for me?" Se suddenly stood close enough for him to feel hir ridiculously large breasts against his chest and know that hir nipples were hard. Annoyed, he stepped back immediately. Se hadn't made a sound of movement. "You know, I am a god."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"All-powerful, all-knowing."

"All-annoying."

"I could fix your little problem."

Here it came. "I'm certain you could. Go ahead."

"You haven't asked."

All-needy. He hated gods. "You won't actually do it."

"How do you know?" Se laughed. "You haven't asked. If you ask, I might. If you don't, I won't."

Of course. "Tch."

"It would take three seconds to ask. Versus a lifetime of doing everything at ¼ of the speed you want to use, stumbling into objects, being vulnerable and a liability in a fight, struggling not to spill food on yourself, and trying not to set your hair on fire just to enjoy a smoke. Versus a lifetime of _weakness_."

"I'm doing fine."

"Then I guess you're not interested at all. I can go."

Dammit. He had to take a chance. "Would you restore my vision?" he ground out through gritted teeth. He knew better than to ask hir to "fix his eyes," because he shuddered to think of how se would have fun with that one.

"You forgot 'please.'"

The hag.

"Well?" se asked.

He'd already bent this far. Fuck. "Would you please restore my vision?" The "you bitch" remained unspoken but probably palpable.

"Was that so hard?"

"What do you think?"

Se stayed silent for a moment, then cheerfully said, "I won't restore your sight."

Sanzo snorted at the anti-climax of it. "And here I'd gotten my hopes up." Gods saved no one.

"The cure is closer than you realize. You will see again. Someday. But not today."

If he asked "when," se would no doubt give him some stupid vague riddle instead of an answer. "My blindness will slow the mission."

"You'll just have to make up for it in some other way. We'll meet again." With a soft sound and a feel of suddenly displaced air, se departed.

Hopefully. For all he knew, se could have blanked out of all hir sounds and scents to stick around and smirk at him.

"Sanzo!" Goku yelled.

"Don't worry, Goku," Hakkai said. "Just follow the path of recently butchered grass."

"Sanzo! We're having breakfast!"

"Gojyo is tending it." But then Hakkai grabbed Sanzo's hands. "Is smoking really worth burning yourself like this?"

Sanzo yanked his hands away. He wasn't some invalid, child, or pet to be manhandled so. "Yes."

"I won't heal them."

"Didn't ask you to." He'd suffered far worse pain and lived through far worse injuries before he'd met Hakkai.

Goku growled and shook Sanzo's arm. "There's _breakfast_! If we leave Gojyo alone with it, it'll be gone!"

"I'll come," Sanzo answered. "Just don't drag me."

Breakfast consisted of various finger foods that didn't make much of a mess. He wondered if Hakkai had decided on the menu. While Goku and Gokyo indulged in a loud, meaningless argument about jack shit, Hakkai undid the bandages and examined the wounds, finally saying, "We can leave them to the air from now on."

Sano put his hand back and felt scabs... and small bald patches around them. "What the hell did you do to me?"

"They'll heal better without hair in them."

"It must look freakish. Besides, I might as well paint circles around them and the characters for 'strike here.'"

"You'll have to tell me for the future that I should suspend life-saving measures if I realize that they'll interfere with your appearance." Hakkai's voice had turned low and steely, with a small shake in it.

Upset.

Tch. He'd been the one dealt a nearly mortal wound, but _he_ had to be delicate with others. "I would rather be alive. I just hate wearing the fucking coronet and veil. Even I get tired of beating the shit out of people for calling me 'princess.'"

"Your hair could be styled to disguise the spots," Hakkai answered, sounding lighter again as he gathered Sanzo's hair together into a ponytail.

"I'd rather not have you doing my hair every morning."

"What, and miss the opportunity to do your nails and tell each other about your not-so-secret crushes? I know how you both love me, but it would be nice to hear it," Gojyo said. "Nice 'do, Sanzo-sama. Classy."

Sanzo pulled free of Hakkai and answered, "It still has to look better than what you had the time you cut off all your hair yourself."

"That did look really dumb," Goku said.

"At least I don't look dumb all the time," Gojyo answered.

"What, are you saying I look dumb all the time?"

"Hey, there is a brain in there."

"I do not!"

"Have a brain?"

"You look stupider than I ever could!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Why couldn't I have been stricken deaf?" Sanzo asked.

  


* * *

Sometime in what was probably the afternoon, Sanzo felt something scrape along his nerves, even aside from the headache wearing the damned coronet gave him. The feeling increased. Damn.

"Sanzo? What is it?" Hakkai asked.

Sanzo took out his gun and fully loaded it. If this intuition followed the course of his other ones, the danger would be on them in seconds. They never gave him decent warning. "It's your responsibility to stay out of my range. If any of you gets shot, it's not my fault. And don't coddle me, Hakkai."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

He heard Goku call for his weapon and the sound of it materializing. Gojyo readied his, which had its own unique sound. As Hakkai floored the pedal, Jeep sped forward.

Sanzo heard the youkai coming as they screamed and shouted, "Give us the sutra!"

"What boring assailants," Hakkai said. "Quite unoriginal."

"Yeah. They could have at least sent some pretty ones too," Gojyo replied.

"I'm about to stop Hakuryuu hard," Hakkai said.

Sanzo braced himself and _felt_ the shudders within the jeep as Hakkai hit the brakes hard and let the vehicle arc as it finally slid to a halt, probably crushing several of their attackers judging from the screams of pain. Then they started fighting. The roar of noises left Sanzo disoriented and overwhelmed, but he could pick out his group's banter and the sound of their fighting styles and weapons enough to avoid firing on them. In any case, they should get out of his way.

The sounds slowly died down as they mowed through their assailants, until only his group's bantering remained. Yet he could not set aside his gun, not out of any intuition but out of dread at being caught defenseless if his hearing had missed something.

"Sanzo, we're clear," Hakkai said.

Only then did he put his gun away. He must have had it in a deathgrip from how his hand hurt.

  


* * *

Hakkai had to say that Sanzo had done well. Sanzo's former pinpoint aim was, of course, not possible with his blindness, but he could defend himself. Hakkai hadn't covered him much more than usual. Gojyo and Goku had been forced to dodge a bullet or two, but that could always happen in the chaos of battle.

Sanzo had felt the attackers coming before they arrived. While he'd had intuitions before, they'd usually come for larger disturbances. Would his intuitive sense become more acute to compensate for his lost sight as his hearing already had?

Sanzo didn't speak, nor did he intervene when Goku and Gojyo started fighting in the back of the jeep. But Sanzo didn't always put an end to their spirited hijinks, so it might not mean anything.

As evening fell, rain came with it. They found a small town, but all the rooms in every inn they found had already been taken. A few inns offered to let them bed down on the floor in their common rooms for a lesser price, but Hakkai declined, imagining the trouble that would arise from Sanzo trying to sleep as numerous strangers he couldn't identify kept moving around him.

The trudge from place to place looking for vacancies left them tired, cranky, and soaked through. Hakuryuu currently sheltered inside Hakkai's hood, twined around his neck. Hakkai had to keep clearing water off of his monocle.

"I don't wanna sleep outside in a tent," Goku whined, saying what they all felt.

"I could find myself a place for the night, but I don't know what the rest of you would do," Gojyo said.

"Pervert."

"You're a Sanzo!" a woman nearby said suddenly.

Given Sanzo's temperament and current situation, his "Yes" didn't sound as sharp or as nasty as Hakkai would have expected.

"I couldn't help overhearing that you can't find a place to pass the night. My family doesn't have much, but we have a dry home, some blankets, and a little food we can share. Please let us do this."

Hakkai expected Sanzo to decline out of distrust of her or a fear of being called on to preach in return for her kindness, but he simply said, "Thank you. You don't have to share your food, but a dry place to sleep would be appreciated."

Sanzo could be charming when he wished. Living with him, Hakkai often forgot that.

As they walked, Hakkai heard Goku say, "But they _offered_ us food!" The smack from Sanzo that followed sounded duller and much wetter than usual.

Keyo's home had two small, cramped rooms, yet she and her husband seemed to be prepared to sleep outside in the rain with their baby daughter to make their guests comfortable if necessary. Hakkai assured them that such a sacrifice would not be necessary. They accepted a little food after all and tea, since their own supplies were low and the town didn't have much to offer. Sanzo looked dazed and tired and snapped only a little as Hakkai led him to one of the nests of blankets and pillows on the floor offered by their hosts and snapped only a little more when Hakkai helped him take his coronet and sandals off.

Hakkai could only hope that Sanzo wouldn't accidentally kill himself on them while getting up in the night.

  


* * *

Gojyo smiled as a hand groped his chest, then sighed when it withdrew. Tease. Really dark in here, aside from a little light coming from the far corner. Wondered where he was....

Then he remembered the couple with the cute kid and tiny house and then bedding down next to His Unconscious Highness. Who now seemed to be muttering to himself as he tried to escape his entangling blankets. To do what?

Hearing the rain still pounding against the roof and sides of the house, Gojyo figured that he knew what Sanzo intended to do. After a little groping of his own, he found Sanzo's wrist and grabbed it. "Where do you think you're going?"

"None of your business." Sanzo struggled hard enough to just about dislocate his arm, getting his wrist free, but the blankets still trapped him.

"I think you're going to brood and smoke up the place, which would be rude to the nice people in the next room who are making us at home. But considering how close together on the floor we all are, you'd probably break your neck trying to get out anyway."

"Gojyo?" Hakkai asked, sounding sleepy. Right, he'd bedded down on Sanzo's other side. It sounded like the recipe for a party.

"Just saving a life," Gojyo answered.

Sanzo had always been easy on the eyes but, blinded, he became even more tempting because Gojyo had to watch him fondle and grope the whole damned world trying to find his way around. Gojyo would like to feign blindness in certain bars.... Anyway, he sure as hell didn't blame Hakkai for all the staring and lust, not when he wanted a piece himself.

Aside from the little bit of light glinting on the edges of Sanzo's hair, Gojyo couldn't see him, just feel his body heat and hear his quickened breathing and the rustle of blankets. A tiny taste of blindness.

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, which Gojyo could translate to "The nice couple with the cute kid let us stay with them because we had a holy man in our party, and if they come through the blanket separating the rooms to see two of their guests fucking said holy man on the floor, they might be upset and throw us out." He and Hakkai had a special relationship that way.

And Hakkai was right. Dammit. It just hurt to have such a beautiful setup thrown in his lap and not be able to take advantage.

Sanzo growled something about loudly drumming rain and Gojyo being inane before putting a pillow over his head, ruining Gojyo's mood the rest of the way. Monk had no sense of romance.

Other opportunities would come along. If they didn't, Gojyo would make them.

  


* * *

When Hakkai woke that morning he could tell just from the tilt of Sanzo's head that the blindness hadn't lifted. Sanzo held his head differently for listening than for watching. Every morning Hakkai hoped, and every morning he was disappointed and rebuked for his failures. How much worse must it be for Sanzo?

Right now Sanzo sat amongst his blankets and gathered his golden hair into a small, loose ponytail, shifting some of it in what seemed to be an effort to cover the injured spots of his head. Fighting the urge to guide Sanzo's hands with his, Hakkai said, "Bring the hair on your left more to the center as you gather it. Actually, don't do that yet. I should examine you."

"Tch."

"Good morning to you too." Hakkai strove to make his touches feel light and professional as he slid his fingers through Sanzo's hair. It could use a washing. They all could. He closed his eyes to feel with his chi as well. "It's healing nicely. Much of the internal swelling is down."

"But I'm still like this."

"You may yet get better."

"Or I may be like this for the rest of my life." He had dark shadows under his blankly staring eyes.

"Rough night?"

"The rain was too loud. Then Gojyo decided to be an idiot."

Hakkai vaguely remembered that. Since Sanzo was no more grumpy than usual and Gojyo yet lived, Hakkai could assume that Gojyo had used good judgment last night and refrained from making a move on their favorite blind lust object.

"I'm tired of this," Sanzo said softly, probably too softly for Gojyo and Goku, still buried in the blankets sleeping, to hear.

"You've been dealing with it better than I expected," Hakkai answered as softly.

"Be strong, Genjo Sanzo," Sanzo said with some annoyance, and it somehow sounded like a quote.

"You are."

"Tch."

His red eyes bright with mischief, Gojyo sat up and said, "Good morning, sunshine!" quickly followed by "Sanzo, you stuck your fingers up my fucking nose!"

Sanzo pulled his hand away with a disgusted sound. He must not have had his fan handy. Hakkai took advantage of his distraction to tie his hair back for him, earning a poisonous expression when Sanzo realized what he'd gotten away with.

"I think he was aiming for your mouth, Gojyo," Hakkai answered.

"Sanzo-chan, if you wanted me to suck on your fingers you just had to ask!"

"I'd rather you sucked on my gun."

"Kinky, but I might do it under the right circumstances."

Gojyo had a gift for horrifying and amusing Hakkai all at once. "That might be too much temptation for Sanzo's trigger finger to bear."

"I could tempt his fingers all right...."

"I'm so hungry," Goku groaned suddenly. It broke the growing sexual tension.

"These people barely have enough for themselves. We'll eat on the road," Sanzo answered as he carefully untangled himself from his blankets.

Gojyo grumbled about monkeys butting in on his moves. Did Goku have such a strategy in mind? Surely not. But Goku did have impeccable timing....


	2. Chapter 2

"It's so hot," Goku murmured. "It's almost too hot to eat."

"That _is_ bad," Hakkai said.

"Get me a can of beer, monkey boy," Gojyo said.

"Get your own can of beer!" Goku answered.

"You're closer!"

"It's _your_ beer!"

As the idiots in back started fighting again to break the monotony, Sanzo wondered if he'd reach a level of boredom that would kill him, putting him out of his misery permanently. The idiots didn't know true boredom, since at least _they_ could look at things. Still, they fought listlessly and somewhat pathetically in this heat, and it was far too hot for Sanzo to bother moving to stop their half-hearted bickering.

He felt a quiver.... Damn it. "We have company."

"Sanzo-chan," Gojyo said in a very patronizing voice, "I know that your womanly intuition is getting better developed, but if you could see, you'd notice that there's no one around for kilom--"

"Give us the sutra!" several voices yelled.

"Where the fuck did they come from?" Gojyo asked. "Oi! Where the fuck did you come from? This is a desert! There's no cover!"

"Give us the sutra!" several voices yelled.

"It's a shame that the mystery will go unsolved," Hakkai said, "but at least it'll break the monotony for a few moments." His voice always turned lighter and took on an edge of excitement when a fight beckoned.

Sanzo heard the others leave the jeep, but he stood and set his back against it to give him some measure of protection. Listening, he filtered through the yells, thuds, clanks, and wind for the sounds of his targets, then fired. Sometimes he ducked and dodged when he felt a rush of air or heard a yell coming at him.

"Baldy Sanzo! Prepare to meet your doom!" the most annoyingly screechy and high-pitched female voice in creation declaimed.

Aw, shit. And he didn't have any food on him to bribe her with, since their supplies were low. Listening and feeling the air currents let him duck and dodge Lirin's attacks, but she kept coming so close to hitting him. This was embarrassing.

Something struck the back of his head.

  


* * *

Hakkai stopped hearing gunfire. When he turned, he saw Lirin holding onto an unconscious Sanzo by the front of his robe. "Sanzo!" But he couldn't fire on her, not while she had Sanzo in her grip.

But then she set him down... and started beating off his other attackers. She was doing a fine job of it too. Hakkai would never understand Kougaiji's group.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo shouted. "Less staring and more fight-- Oi, looks like Sanzo's girlfriend showed up. Should we let her finish off those other guys before we attack her?"

"Sanzo seems to be safe for now, so yes. Try to keep Goku from looking over there."

"I'm a monkey's keeper now. This is not how I thought my life would turn out."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku finished off their opponents before she did, partially because she'd taken more on than they had. That was good in that they could watch to make sure that she didn't hurt Sanzo. That might turn out to be bad in that Goku saw Sanzo lying in the sand.

"Sanzo!" Goku shouted and went on the attack against the youkai ringing Lirin and Sanzo. Given the animal ferocity on display, Hakkai and Gojyo stayed back. At least Goku hadn't changed into his _really_ dangerous form.

At the end, Goku and Lirin stared at each other, both looking ready for more battle. "What did you do to Baldy Sanzo?" she shouted, screeching.

"What did _we_ do?" Goku shouted back. "You're the one who must have knocked him out!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not! This isn't the way the game goes! We play over who gets to keep the sutra a little and then I get a treat. He doesn't fall down just because someone taps him! This isn't fair!"

Interesting to get a look at the alternate reality her mind lived in.

"He can't see!" Goku said, in what might have been an attempt to defend Sanzo's battle honor, then blushed when he realized that he'd revealed Sanzo's weakness to the enemy.

Lirin's eyes widened in confusion. "Can't see what?"

Hakkai didn't like to think ill of people, but she truly did have an annoying voice. It scraped along one's bones like a dull knife. To try to quiet her down a little, he said, "Sanzo isn't well. Thank you for helping him, but he's a very proud man. It might be best if you leave before he wakes up."

"I understand. Big Brother's like that too." Her face took on a look of cunning. "Baldy Sanzo always gives me a treat."

Hakkai dug through their packs until he found one of the last meat buns. From the look of horror on Goku's face, he might as well as ripped it out from Goku's jaws. "Here."

She grabbed it and took quick bites with her sharp teeth. "Mmmm! I'll come back to play when Baldy Sanzo's feeling better! 'Bye now!" Then she ran off, obviously very pleased with herself.

"Yeah, she has to come back," Gojyo said with a smirk. "She didn't get a chance to sit on Sanzo's shoulders."

"She's so weird," Goku said.

Hakkai and Gojyo stared at him. Gojyo started to say something until Hakkai elbowed his ribs.

Hakkai examined Sanzo carefully. To his relief, he couldn't see any bleeding or feel any internal bleeding with his chi. "He's just knocked out. We should keep an eye on him, but I think he'll be all right."

"Aside from being pissed off once he wakes up," Gojyo said.

Goku made a discontented, worried sound. "Hakkai, you said that he would get his sight back." His voice sounded thick and low.

Hakkai had to tell him the truth. It might turn out to be cruel later otherwise. "I said that he _might_. It's... not the same thing."

"...oh."

  


* * *

"Ah! Everything looks so different from the front seat!" Gojyo said.

"I'm glad you're enjoying your chance to sit in the big kid section," Hakkai answered.

"You're so mean," Gojyo said with a laugh.

Goku wanted to yell at them for sounding so cheerful, but he knew that they joked because they worried. They all got through that way.

The front seat wasn't anything special, not when Goku had Sanzo's head resting on his lap in the back.

Sanzo hadn't woken up yet, so Goku took advantage and petted his hair, avoiding the injured parts of his head. "Might" get his sight back. That made such a difference. It was so unfair. His sun shouldn't have to live in darkness.

On the one hand, he didn't worry. Even if Sanzo could never see again, he was so strong that once he adjusted he'd be kicking ass at his usual speed again. But, on the other hand, Sanzo was so _unhappy_ like this, and that worried Goku because a really unhappy Sanzo didn't eat, just smoked, stared, and snapped at anything around him. He didn't immediately get that bad, but once he did it took a lot of work to dig him out.

"What the hell happened?" Sanzo murmured. Goku quietly took his hand away from his hair. He'd been hoping that since a blow to the head had started it another one might fix it, but Sanzo still obviously couldn't see anything. Sanzo continued, "I was fighting Lirin...."

"You got knocked out," Gojyo said with glee.

"She knocked me out? I'll have to kill myself."

"It might not have been her who did it," Hakkai answered. "She did end up defending you from your other attackers."

"Now I definitely have to kill myself."

"Don't say that," Goku said.

Sanzo looked thoughtful and gripped a handful of Goku's shirt. Being "helpful," Gojyo said, "In case you're wondering, you're lying on the monkey's lap."

Sanzo sat up and out of Goku's lap so fast that he nearly fell over. From the expression on his face, it had hurt like hell to move like that. Goku shouted, "Gojyo!"

"What?"

It had been nice to have Sanzo so close.

Sanzo stayed in the back with him but didn't get that close again. Didn't say anything either, just stared into space.

That night, after dinner, Sanzo walked away from the campfire and signaled for Goku to follow him. Warmed that Sanzo wanted something from him alone, he followed, but the warm feeling didn't last when Sanzo told him what he wanted.

"Goku, in my current condition I need to let enemies get in closer before I can shoot them, so I need to make some adjustments for my hand-to-hand fighting. I need to practice. So fight me."

"Sanzo...."

"You would hurt me worse by not sparring with me." If Sanzo had been able to see, he'd be looking at Goku's neck right now. Did that mean that Sanzo thought he was shorter than he really was?

Sanzo's eyes had such a pretty color, like flowers, and Goku loved to watch them look at him. Right now they couldn't look at anything.

"Hakkai said you could get it back."

"It's better to be prepared. Better to get used to living like this in case I have to."

When Sanzo put it like that, Goku couldn't say no, but he didn't like it. "All right."

They each went into a hand-to-hand stance. Goku thought about saying that Sanzo had mentioned using his gun in close quarters but hadn't brought it out, then decided to keep his mouth shut. Saying that he could dodge Sanzo's gunshots easily would only piss him off, and Goku didn't really want to get shot at anyway.

So they sparred with Goku fighting with just fists, holding back, and being louder the whole time and Sanzo growling at him to stop coddling him. Goku was stronger and faster than him normally, so fighting him while he was like this was even more unfair. Sanzo did get faster as they went, as he adjusted his instincts to acting on hearing instead of sight Goku guessed, so Goku sped up too. In the rush of fighting, Goku started to smile. He loved this.

He loved it until his fist hit Sanzo's left cheekbone. It left a big red mark. "Sanzo!"

Sanzo punched him under his chin, knocking his head back. "Keep going."

It _hurt_ and made him want to hit back harder.... "No!" He blocked Sanzo's next blow too. "I'm done!"

Sanzo looked so _frustrated_. "There is no done."

"Yeah, there is. When I say so."

"Goku--"

"No!"

Sanzo leaned back against a tree trunk, looking like he didn't intend to fight anymore, but Goku still watched him anyway, knowing how sneaky he could be. His face had started to swell where Goku had hit him. "This isn't good enough."

Goku knew him well enough to know that he'd actually said, "_I'm_ not good enough." It hurt to see his sun in so much pain. Goku said, "You haven't been like this for very long. You just need time."

"I keep hearing that. My eyes need time. I need time. Time is passing, and nothing is improving."

"You're eating on your own."

Sanzo's mouth twitched. "You _would_ see that as major improvement. Hakkai and Gojyo just arrived."

It actually took them a few minutes to arrive. Goku hadn't heard them coming until Sanzo pointed it out.

"Did we miss something?" Gojyo asked.

"No," Sanzo answered.

"You hit a door with your face?"

"None of your business." Violently swinging his white cane from side to side, Sanzo walked back toward the campfire.

"Hakkai, is there anything I can do to help?" Goku asked softly.

"There's barely anything _I_ can do to help," Hakkai answered, being honest with him. Goku had wanted them to always be honest with him, since he hated secrets.

He hadn't realized before how much honesty could suck.

He'd try to help Sanzo get through this somehow. He refused to be helpless.

In the morning, Sanzo had a huge dark bruise on his face. And he was still blind.

  


* * *

It was raining, the water drumming loudly. He was walking through the monastery. His master had called for him. There he was, smiling so kindly as he usually did. Sometimes Kouryuu wished for his master's smiling calm but most of the time he knew better, that smiling calm was not for him. He couldn't see the world through those wise, serene eyes no matter how hard he tried.

Sometimes that smiling serenity really pissed him off no matter how much he loved his master, his father.

Kouryuu felt a growing dread along with a growing sense of déjà vu. Something would happen here, tonight. Blood would spill... again.

No. Surely not. He simply felt some aftereffects from driving off that bear. The monastery was safe again. Not that he cared what happened to anyone aside from his master and Shuuei when the rest of the monks were such cretins.

"Kouryuu."

He could see Koumyou Sanzo so vividly.

He could not see.

He could not see, not in waking life. Yet he could see this, and when he was here in his dreams he never knew at the time that he was dreaming.

Sanzo felt something sliding along his neck. A hand. A touch. Someone was touching him in a very possessive way. No one in his group would dare.

As part of him in a child's body listened to his beloved master say again the words he'd spoken that dark night, another part of him felt out his actual body and slowly reached for his gun. Kouryuu didn't have a gun, but Sanzo did. He had it. He whipped his gun up and put it against something hard. Someone's skull. He could tell.

"What?" the mysterious someone asked in disbelief, and Sanzo didn't know the voice. He fired, and the voice screamed.

The world went dark again. No monastery. No master.

No blood. No perpetually replaying tragedy.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai shouted, sounding slightly choked. The hand that fell upon his shoulder was unwelcome but had a familiar touch. Sanzo shook it off but felt relieved.

"What the hell was that?" Gojyo asked, sounding shaken.

"Did you all see something?" Sanzo asked.

"Yeah," Goku said softly.

"My worst-- Yeah," Gojyo answered.

"But you _can't_ see, so you knew to fight it," Hakkai said. "It no doubt helped that our attacker was so close to you. I wonder what, exactly, he intended. Perhaps he wanted to take the sutra."

"He's too dead now to ask," Gojyo said, "thanks to Sanzo-sama."

"You're free, aren't you? Stop complaining," Sanzo replied. His blindness had been helpful here. Part of him expected Kanzeon to make an appearance to say something or fix him.

Se didn't show. He should have known better.

At least they didn't seem to be driving or dead. Hakuryuu must have stopped on his own when Hakkai had started to hallucinate.

"What time is it?" Sanzo asked.

"It's still late morning."

"We should leave."

"Leave? Just like that? Our minds were attacked!" Gojyo said.

"Now they're not. It's time to go."

"You--"

"What if our attacker has allies?"

"...shit."

"Sanzo has a point," Hakkai said.

Sanzo always had a point. You'd think they'd know that instinctively by now.

  


* * *

To Hakkai's great relief, they found a town to stop in for the night. They needed supplies, and their encounter with illusions of the past had left him unsettled. He watched Kanan kill herself often enough on his own without someone dredging it up and forcing it on him. They hadn't said much on the ride after that today, with even Goku and Gojyo being quieter than usual. But Sanzo had been smiling a little, no doubt because he alone had saved them. The swollen bruise on his face had to remind him that he couldn't always trust his own prowess lately, which would gall anyone, let alone Sanzo.

The promise of someone else's cooking had inspired Goku to leap from the jeep, with Gojyo at his heels. It wouldn't be dinner without the two of them competing over tidbits. Smiling at their liveliness, Hakkai followed. Sanzo moved more slowly behind them.

Suddenly Hakkai heard an unfamiliar, belligerent voice yell, "--you think I care?" and turned to see a brawny stranger prepare to hit Sanzo. Before Hakkai could erect a shield, Sanzo twirled his cane into position to strike the man across the face with it, then brought it crashing down on the back of the man's head, snapping it in two. When his opponent landed atop his sandaled feet, Sanzo kicked him off, then stomped on his head. He kicked him a few more times, perhaps to see if consciousness would return. Satisfied at last that it wouldn't, Sanzo carefully walked over to Hakkai, held up the splintered remnant of the cane, and said, "This makes a good asshole detector. Too bad it's broken now. I need a thicker cane next time." Then he walked into a restaurant.

"That's the wrong restaurant," Hakkai said.

"We can eat here."

"We're staying at the other place. We should eat there as well."

Sanzo nearly had steam coming out of his ears. "Fine." He found his way to Hakkai and walked in with him.

"I'm sure that Hakkai's sorry he spoiled your bad-ass moment," Gojyo said.

Sanzo smacked him with his fan.

"You--!"

"You haven't realized yet that all your talking tells me where you are."

"Asshole monk."

Oh dear. "Sanzo," Hakkai said as he took out a handkerchief, "you have some--"

"_What_?"

"When you blew our earlier attacker's head off, you got some blood and other matter on that side of your face and robe." Which Hakkai hadn't seen during the drive because it hadn't been turned toward him. How suicidal had the man who'd just attacked Sanzo been to keep coming at him anyway? "Let me wipe it off." Hakkai smacked the back of Gojyo's head before the inevitable comments about mommy Hakkai and baby San-chan could even start.

"I hate you all," Sanzo answered, but he submitted to having his face wiped at least, though with ill grace.

  


* * *

This was the first time Gojyo had watched Sanzo use chopsticks since his blinding, and it was sad. As in slow and awkward, especially since those meatballs kept escaping and rolling around the plate. Sanzo knew it too, because every time Gojyo started to say anything about chopsticks, Sanzo would set the monkey on him. For example:

"Hey, Sanzo, what's up with your spastic chop--"

"Goku, Gojyo's trying to sneak away with the last shrimp roll."

Goku, in his devotion to Sanzo and food, never thought to wonder how a blind man would know what Gojyo might be doing to the shrimp rolls. He'd immediately answer with "Gojyo, that's _low_. I'm gonna kick your ass!"

A fight would ensue, and in the distraction Sanzo would continue to quietly struggle with his chopsticks and food. No wonder he'd been trying to eat alone every chance he found. Since Sanzo didn't get involved in the fighting or refereeing--although Gojyo swore that Hakkai sometimes egged Goku on--Sanzo finished eating first and groped his way out of the dining room and up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Given how much slower Sanzo had to move while without the cane, Gojyo caught up to him fairly easily upstairs. "Oi, Sanzo, there's no reason to get bent out of shape about this." Gojyo actually felt bad about Sanzo having to struggle to eat, which was more than the uptight bastard deserved from him.

"About what?"

"Your eating skills."

"The very fact that you had to say that marks you as a liar. I'm tired." He stopped at the next door, groped for the knob, and put the key in. He must have counted doors to reach the right room. He slammed it shut in Gojyo's face.

Try to be nice, and look at what it gets you.

"At this rate, I'll definitely get Sanzo first," Hakkai said softly.

"Yeah? Why?"

"Your poor flirting skills. Most people, Sanzo in particular, don't like to be reminded of their weaknesses."

"You don't mind when I do it to you."

Hakkai smiled a little. "Really?"

"When I tell you that you have a weakness for redheads, you jump me right afterward."

The doorknob to Sanzo's room rattled from the inside. Shit. "Do you think he heard us?" Gojyo asked. Did he hear the bit about them wanting to pounce him?

"It's Sanzo."

"Damn." Gojyo tried the door, but it had been locked. "Sanzo! Open up!"

  


* * *

He shouldn't be so upset. This little revelation surprised him not at all where Gojyo was concerned, since the kappa would stick it to anything that would let him and had been flirting with him almost from the moment they'd met. But he'd thought that Hakkai had more... dignity. Then again, Hakkai was involved with Gojyo, which cast serious doubts on his taste and dignity.

So, what, did they have some kind of bet regarding him? A competition? How long had this been going on?

It cast a different light on so many things. He felt almost betrayed. Them too?

Amazing. Despite his best efforts, he hadn't been paranoid enough. He would have to fix that.

Sex complicated matters. He'd learned that long ago.

"Do you think he heard us?" Gojyo suddenly asked. Shit. Sanzo's hand had moved a little on the knob, and they'd noticed. He stopped leaning his aching head against the door.

"It's Sanzo," Hakkai answered. They would do well to remember that.

"Damn." Gojyo tried opening the door, then yelled, "Sanzo! Open up!" when it remained locked.

If he refused to let them in, they would think he'd been bothered by what he'd heard. Which he had, but they would make assumptions about the kind of bothered he felt and assume wrong. Idiocy would ensue, as it so often did. He opened the door, and they walked in. Sanzo briefly wondered if Goku was still eating dinner downstairs.

"Sanzo, were you listening in on us?" Gojyo asked, nearly purring it, trying to make Sanzo out to be the wrong party.

He could lie. He chose not to. "I heard you. It's an unfortunate side effect of my condition. In any case, my name being spoken suggests that it concerns me."

"So?"

"'So' what?"

"So, what do you think about it?"

The hell? Did the cocky bastard really expect Sanzo to throw himself into his arms, crying, "Take me now, you stallion"? Anger made his head pound. Someday his head would explode from it. If that ever happened, he could only hope that the bone shrapnel of his shattered skull would hit Gojyo and kill him.

He never should have opened the door. How persistent would Gojyo be on this?

"I'm trying not to think about it, since I just ate and would like to keep the food down." Someone was behind him. He sidestepped out of the way.

"My apologies for startling you," Hakkai said. He couldn't be trusted either. No one could.

The doorknob prodded Sanzo's hip. Deciding that he didn't need this shit from these two, he opened the door and walked out. Thankfully, they didn't follow him since, at the speed his blindness forced him to go, they could catch up to him easily.

  


* * *

"That could have gone better," Gojyo said. Usually his lust objects didn't flee the room. But he should have expected something like this.

"You think?" Hakkai answered. Wise-ass.

  


* * *

Sanzo came back downstairs. "Sanzo!" Goku cried, pleased. Maybe he could get some more food into him. "Over here!"

As he walked and felt his way around, Sanzo seemed to be dancing a swaying duet with furniture and person after person. When he put his hand down on the table, his fingers rested down on the remnant of his cane, traced its length, then picked it up by its strap and settled it on his wrist. Then he started to walk away.

Looked like food wouldn't be on his agenda. "Sanzo! Where are you going?"

"I need a new cane."

How would he find one? "Let me go with you." That wouldn't be appreciated, so Goku continued, "I can make sure nobody wastes your time!" For example, he could make sure that Sanzo only went to places that actually sold canes.

Sanzo closed his eyes, then opened them. Every time he did that, Goku half-expected him to be able to see now. It didn't happen. "Very well."

Goku quickly opened up one of the napkins and put a bunch of meat rolls into it to take. Sanzo hated waste, and maybe Goku could get some food into the both of them later.

Sanzo walked slowly with his head high, proud, and his hands out a bit to feel his way, and it made Goku proud to see him and be with him. _His_ Sanzo, who wouldn't let a failure of his eyes stop him from anything he wanted to do. Goku could just about feel him listening to and feeling everything around him, while the broken cane dangled and swung from his wrist. As much as Goku would have loved to run ahead, he stayed and matched his stride to Sanzo's.

"This might be a good stand to try," Goku said, seeing all the canes laid out on the table. Some of them had straps at the end.

Sanzo stopped and touched them one by one, his long fingers sliding along them. The seller watched him for a moment, then said to Goku, "The quality is very high."

"I need something with heft," Sanzo said as he picked one up and swung it around.

"You're the one who beat Yifu?" the man asked. "He's looking for you."

Sanzo put down one cane and picked up another. "He's still alive? I can fix that. If he comes for me again, this time I'll shoot him." He swung this one like a fighting staff, and it whistled a little in the movement. "This one might suffice."

"Sanzo!" Hakkai suddenly yelled from behind them, and Goku watched Sanzo stiffen, then forcibly relax to his normal, stiff and straight stance to hand his gold card to the seller.

It made Goku watch Hakkai suspiciously. Hakkai and Gojyo had been upsetting Sanzo a lot lately, which was really unfair when Sanzo was _blind_. Gojyo picked at people all the time, but Goku didn't understand why Hakkai had started.

Once they started to walk away from the stand, Hakkai said softly, "I hope you didn't take what happened the wrong way."

"Is there another way to take it?" Sanzo answered. "I don't care what he thinks--I never have--but I don't want him staring at me. Or you staring at me either. I can feel it when you do. He won't get what he wants from me, and neither will you."

They _were_ bothering Sanzo! It made Goku's teeth clench. Sanzo didn't need to be bothered, especially now. Was this pack behavior on Hakkai and Gojyo's part? They saw their leader weakened and thought it was time to move in on him? Not with Goku here. Hell no.

"It's late, Sanzo," Hakkai said. "We should all get to bed."

  


* * *

"Give in yet, Sanzo-sama?" Gojyo asked with a smug light in his red eyes.

"Never," Sanzo answered, but the chain of Gojyo's shakujou was wrapped around him so tightly that he couldn't touch his gun, and his sutra didn't respond to his chants. The chain links dug into his bare shoulders, making him wish that he'd worn his robe completely instead of left the top of it bunched around his waist.

Hakkai smiled. "It's said that humility improves character."

"Some humiliation might improve Sanzo," Gojyo answered. They approached.

Foolishly, he'd come to nearly trust them. Now he would pay.

"Gojyo, there's no need to talk of that," Hakkai said. "I'm sure we can do this without humiliation."

"Sure, though it won't be as much fun." Gojyo stopped in front of Sanzo, and again Sanzo resented that they both had a height advantage on him. "I've never taken anybody unwilling. You'll want it by the end."

As if Sanzo hadn't heard that one before. Unwilling to waste words on such as him, Sanzo simply sneered.

Hakkai grabbed Sanzo by the hair at the back of his head to better hold him in place, while Gojyo attacked his mouth. Outraged, Sanzo kept his lips closed, fighting against the squirming tongue trying to open him up and plunder him. The sudden yank on his hair brought involuntary tears to his eyes, and Gojyo took advantage of the moment to get his tongue into Sanzo's mouth.

Gojyo and Hakkai's ministrations were adamant but not violent, and to his horror Sanzo felt his treacherous, idiot flesh begin to respond. Enraged, he headbutted Gojyo--

\--and woke to utter darkness. From the cool air and how vibrant everything smelled, Sanzo guessed it to be night.

"Sanzo?" Goku muttered sleepily at his back, fingers tightening on Sanzo's sash. Sanzo sure as hell wouldn't share a room with Gojyo or Hakkai after what he'd found out about them today.

"It's nothing," Sanzo answered. No one in his group had nightmares. Ever. If you said they did, they would call you a liar.

"'Kay." And Goku went back to sleep, maintaining his iron grip on his sash.

Breathing hard from the dream, Sanzo cursed his body, although it had at least had the decency to simply harden instead of come. Staining himself from _that_ scenario would have been completely intolerable.

Treacherous, idiot flesh. He shouldn't have been so surprised that its eyes ceased to work correctly now. It had betrayed him so many times over the years with its youth, prettiness, and weaknesses, its infatuations and demands. Lust made people even more stupid.

While on the road as a teen looking for his master's killers, it had amazed him how many people would give up all semblance of decency to try to fuck someone they themselves thought of as a child. They'd told him he was too young and pretty to be out there alone. They'd tried to imprison him and take his gun away and force themselves on him. Some people had wanted to punish him for not being a girl after all.

Fortunately, he'd trusted no one and thus seen through their lying and had his martial arts training, gun, and sutra to handle the physical threats. He'd avoided lust himself, _attachments_, as best as possible, in one case leaving a village early when his body had conceived a stupid infatuation for a local girl.

Sometimes, when in utter desperation, he'd sold use of his body in exchange for shelter. That time with the bandit gang had been the worst, as a blizzard had roared down upon him and their hovel had been the only option. Somehow he'd managed to curb his tongue enough to only have to service their leader; otherwise he would have been forced to fight the whole large band off.

The rest had made do with a drudge who wouldn't last much longer, a slack blank-eyed girl whose body walked but whose spirit had long ago died, who cooked, cleaned, spread her legs, and opened her mouth for these bastards. She'd been broken to the point where she no longer even flinched when struck. They'd planned such a fate for Sanzo.

As soon as the storm ended, he'd shot the leader, who'd become complacent and sleepy after getting off, and escaped. Over the next few days, the remaining bandits had stupidly pursued him in small groups, making them easy to pick off.

Eventually, his mantra began to verge close to "If you meet anyone on the road, kill him."

Sex was about power. Who had it; who took it away. The very fact that Gojyo and Hakkai started this shit now meant that they thought his blindness made him weak, ripe for the plucking. And Gojyo thought Sanzo should be flattered to be a target of his lust?

Goku made an odd little noise and tightened his grip. "Do not hang onto me," Sanzo murmured, but the little monkey didn't hear him. Goku never listened.

Sighing, Sanzo tightened his grip on his cane and tried to sleep. The occasional groans and cries from the other room didn't make it easy.

  


* * *

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, then squirmed as Gojyo nipped at his left ankle. It made him spread his legs more too. Part of the fun of a regular sex partner was that you could go the roundabout way when you wanted to do something that took longer, since they didn't feel as self-conscious and stranger-like in front of you.

"Yeah?"

"You should let me talk to Sanzo more from now on."

"Why?"

"Because you're scaring the hell out of him."

Hmmph. "Big bad monk can't take some sex talk?"

"Quite frankly, no. He's skittish enough."

"While you have the inside track on that pinched mind of his?"

"Better than you do."

Unfortunately, Hakkai was right.

"Sure. I'll just let you talk to him. Give up my claim. Like hell." Still, Gojyo said it good-naturedly, even if he didn't want to lose his shot at Sanzo. He never could get angry at Hakkai.

"I'm not suggesting that. Perhaps we should try for him as a unit. To make it fair."

Gojyo couldn't help smiling at the images that accompanied that idea. "Double-team him?"

"This is why you shouldn't talk to him. That sounds threatening."

"Sanzo-chan is too sensitive."

"The insulting nicknames don't help either."

"Insulting? This is affection. Anyone can hear that. _You_ haven't been doing so well talking to him lately."

"I've felt guilty and off-balance. I'm better now. This is important."

"It sure is. If we get him laid, it might cure his blindness."

Hakkai smirked. "How do you figure that?"

Warming to the topic, Gojyo said, "He's so repressed. All that pent-up horniness is making him tighten up his muscles, and they're pressing on his eyes. We give him a good enough orgasm, they'll loosen up and he'll be able to see again." The mental image of a post-orgasm Sanzo melted on his bed made Gojyo even harder. He licked the back of Hakkai's knee, working his way up.

Hakkai shuddered, but his voice stayed level as he replied, "That's an interesting medical theory."

"It's the only thing we haven't tried yet."

"True."

"I have a doctorate in sex. Let Dr. Sha make it all better."

"Where do you get these lines?"

"I don't get many complaints."

Sighing, but fondly, Hakkai shook his head. "Just don't talk to him about it."

"That takes a lot of the fun out of it, but sure." Gojyo ran his fingertips lightly up the petal-soft skin of Hakkai's inner thighs, enjoying the shivers he was inspiring.

Sanzo's inner thighs had probably never seen the light of day or known the touch of air, let alone anyone's fingers. Monk probably never parted his legs for anything. That was criminal.

"Gojyo, please just fuck me," Hakkai said shakily.

Maybe he could let Hakkai do the talking. Gojyo was better at being hands-on anyway.

  


* * *

This morning Hakkai felt the selfish and stupid urge to be thankful that Sanzo couldn't see. He and Gojyo had gotten rough last night, and walking a bit funny in the presence of the usually sharp-eyed monk would have been a problem. While Sanzo most often ignored their sexual relationship, sometimes he had a look or snippy word or two. Hakkai preferred not to draw such attention to himself.

Seeing Hakkai limp down the stairs, Gojyo grinned and put his arm around Hakkai's neck. "_Good_ morning."

"In many ways, yes."

"Breakfast is good. Little Lord Prissypants and Goku are still digging in over there."

"Gojyo...."

"Yeah, I was listening last night. That last bit was for your private enjoyment. Like so much of my repertoire. But I have to tell you that the monkey's a bit weird this morning."

"Weird, how?"

"You'll see soon enough."

Hakkai did see. While Goku ate and bickered with Gojyo in his usual fashion, he also kept track of where Gojyo was at all times, following his movements with his eyes. When Hakkai tried to return a roll that had fallen from Sanzo's plate, Goku swooped in and picked it up for Sanzo first. And had the boy bared his teeth at him doing it?

"Told you," Gojyo said.

"Told you what?" Goku asked.

"We don't have time for this," Sanzo said. "I suggest we get out of town soon. I'm told that the man I dropped yesterday is looking for a rematch, and I don't want the trouble of killing him." He pushed his robe's sleeves back again and lit up a cigarette almost as smoothly as he once would have. With his lips pursed around it and the smoke casting soft, hazy halos about him, Sanzo looked more desirable and exotic.

Hakkai felt a stare like a heavy weight on his head and noticed Goku watching him. Goku's eyes looked nearly yellow. Nearly slitted. They had a problem.

"I'd say that it's an excellent idea to leave," Hakkai replied.

  


* * *

Goku still sat in the back of the jeep as usual, but he stayed close to Sanzo's seat, watching. Hakkai and Gojyo hadn't ever made a move on Sanzo while riding in Hakuryuu, but why take chances, especially since not so long ago they hadn't treated Sanzo the way they'd started to now? If you didn't stop people from doing something bad early on, they'd take it even farther and develop it as a habit. Once it became a habit, it got _really_ hard to break. Sanzo had taught him that, and he'd seen it for himself. Goku liked to think the best of people, but people would push to get the most for themselves that they could. He did it himself. It made sense.

He stayed close to Sanzo's side during dinner around a campfire and rose when his sun rose to leave and followed him. When Sanzo opened his mouth, probably to tell him to go away, Goku said, "You wanted me to spar with you. I'm willing to do it," even as he tried not to look at the fading bruise, now yellow, he'd left on Sanzo's face from the last time. Sanzo didn't let Hakkai waste energy on little things like that.

"You're trying to manipulate me," Sanzo said, sounding annoyed and surprised. And disappointed in him.

It made Goku's chest hurt. "No. I just want to...." To be with him. Watch his back. Make him happy. Goku couldn't say any of that to Sanzo.

Sanzo's expression softened a tiny bit. "All right. We'll spar. I want to try out the cane. Find a good clearing."

Once Goku found an open enough space, he said, "Here, Sanzo," and made his nyoi-bo appear. Staff to staff this would be.

Sanzo nodded as it appeared--maybe he heard it--and changed his grip on his white cane, holding it more like a weapon. "Come for me."

Goku started out with slower attacks and smiled as Sanzo blocked them and attacked back. The cane _could_ be used as a weapon. Plus, Sanzo fought much better than last time, reacting and striking faster. He'd always been fast for a human, and his fighting had often seemed to come from something more than just the use of sight. Goku remembered with admiration how Sanzo had effortlessly caught Chin Isou's thrown spikes between his fingers, when he shouldn't have even been able to see them from how fast they'd come at him. Sanzo seemed to be tapping into that again now, whatever it was that he had, and he smiled fiercely as they fought. A Sanzo smile, yeah, but Goku knew it when he saw it. Sanzo loved battle too.

Goku had missed having alone time with Sanzo. Hakkai and Gojyo were good company when they weren't being jerks, but traveling with them cut into his time with Sanzo. Sometimes he actually missed Chang'an, despite what assholes the monks had been to him, just from the feeling he'd had that he and Sanzo truly were alone together and united amidst all these people who didn't understand them.

For now, he was fighting and he was with Sanzo. The only thing that could have made it better was if he'd somehow been eating at the same time.

  


* * *

Hakkai noticed that Goku remained glued to Sanzo in a way that looked fiercely protective, even during the drive. Last night's sparring had obviously been an excuse to get him away from them as well. This distrust of them not only got in the way of their hopes for Sanzo but also put them in jeopardy during battle, because lack of trust in one's partners could be lethal. He needed to talk to Goku soon.

Fortunately, they had a town to stop in that night. At the end of a dinner in which Goku had hovered about Sanzo, Hakkai cast Gojyo a weighted look. Gojyo grinned, then said, "If I don't get away from you guys for a while, I'll have to kill ya. See ya," then left the inn.

He'd probably pick up a woman if one presented herself. Hakkai didn't mind, knowing that Gojyo needed touches of a woman's "love" now and then to try to ease the ache of his past. He always came back.

"I need to get away for a while myself," Sanzo said, although he seemed to be heading for the stairs.

When Goku rose to follow, Hakkai said, "Hold on, Goku. I need to talk to you."

"But Sanzo--"

"I'm sure that he'll be safe. He's getting better at defending himself this way."

Goku, being Goku, would not refute that. Sure enough, he answered, "All right, Hakkai."

"This is about me and Gojyo. I worry that you may be getting the wrong idea about our intentions toward Sanzo. We mean him no harm. We wish to give him affection."

"Hakkai, I don't like to think that you're lying, but I can't believe you. I've seen Sanzo's reaction."

With Goku sounding so close to adult, Hakkai found himself being more formal in response. It might make more of an impression on Goku. "He's a very proud man and not very demonstrative physically. His upbringing might not have taught him that showing affection is not a weakness."

Goku looked thoughtful, making Hakkai wonder if he thought of the judgmental monks at Chang'an and pondered whether Sanzo had been raised by such as them. "I can... kind of see that," Goku replied. "Maybe."

"He doesn't recognize our intentions, so they make him nervous."

"Yeah, but you only started treating him like that after he went blind."

"We always liked him, but he needs affection even more now, wouldn't you say?" Still, Goku's words made Hakkai wonder, since Sanzo might see matters the same way. Sanzo might very well see their increased interest as being a reaction to him being "weak" now.

Goku had a shrewd look on his face. "So Gojyo is showing _affection_ to all those girls he never sees again?"

It could be easy to forget at times that Goku was naïve and young-minded, not simple-minded. "That's not what we mean to do with Sanzo. What Gojyo does with women who agree to be with him is recreation. What Gojyo does with me and what he would like to do with Sanzo shows affection."

"I don't understand what you get out of it."

"You'll show more interest in it yourself when you get older."

"How much older?"

Good point. What life cycle did a child of the earth have anyway? Goku was about 518 years old. "I don't know. Someday. But trust that we mean Sanzo no harm. In fact, we mean him only good." Hakkai couldn't help letting out a small sigh. "If we could only convince him of that. He's suspicious of everything."

"He is." Goku smiled. "Okay. I'll give you guys a chance. But if it looks like you're hurting or really upsetting Sanzo, the chance is over."

"Thank you, Goku. You don't mind if I go talk to Sanzo?" Not that Hakkai would let a No stop him forever, but politeness earned points with people.

Goku certainly looked pleased. "I don't mind. But don't push him. He hates to be pushed."

When Hakkai opened the door to one of their rooms, he saw Sanzo sitting on the bed facing it with his cane across his lap. Sanzo blew out a stream of smoke, then asked, "What did you say to get the monkey off my back?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Goku's been sticking so close that he might as well be in my robes with me." Then his mouth twisted, probably as he remembered that Hakkai had mentioned an urge to be in there himself.

"I reassured him that we only want to support you in this trying time."

"'Support.' I've never heard someone call it that before."

"It's not just about that."

"Sure. It's always about love." He sounded so cynical. "If you 'love' me, stop annoying the shit of me."

"You're too easily annoyed."

"Tch." He used the cane to push the door shut in Hakkai's face. For a blind man, he had a pretty good idea of where things were.

Hakkai had always known that this would take time. It would be best not to push the issue tonight.

It would be a quiet night without Gojyo around. Hakkai could catch up on his sleep.

Goku would no doubt room with Sanzo.

  


* * *

"Sanzooooo...." For the hundredth time.

Sanzo lit a new cigarette off the old one. He'd never smoked _this_ much before this trip. "Fine. You can stay here. But this bed is mine and mine alone. You got it?"

Goku's eyes lit up. "Sure!"

It didn't entirely surprise Sanzo to wake up with the monkey wrapped around him in his narrow bed, his head nestled under Sanzo's chin. At least he hadn't made them both fall off. With that in mind, Sanzo wouldn't whip him with the paper fan until they'd gotten up.

  


* * *

"Owww. What was that for?" Goku even had some paper cuts. Damned new fan. How could Sanzo hit so well when he couldn't see? He'd even chased him around the room. Okay, it had been a small room... but there was furniture!

Goku went up against really dangerous youkai all the time, so it really surprised him 1] that he could get paper cuts and 2] that they hurt so much worse than most injuries. Because c'mon!

Sanzo looked almost mellow now. Shooting off his fan or gun for a while often did that to him. "Last night I said something about having a bed to myself. You said 'sure.' Where were you when I woke up this morning?"

"I don't remember doing it." It had been nice to wake up to, though. At least until he'd gotten up and Sanzo'd fanned the crap out of him.

"You climbed into my bed in your sleep?"

"Yeah," he said softly, miserable. He had. He'd made a promise, then infringed on Sanzo anyway. He was like _Gojyo_.

"Tch." Sanzo's expression changed a little, then he said, "If you promise something, you do it. If I say I need space, I need it and will damn well beat the shit out of people who won't give it to me. It pisses me off having you hanging on me all day and all night. Take a break once in a fucking while. Especially when I tell you to."

To someone that spoke Sanzo, that translated to "I forgive you. I know now that you didn't mean to break your promise. You can shadow me sometimes and I won't mind, but if you're on top of me all the time I'll be eight times as pissy and make your life hell. But sometimes is okay." Cheered, Goku said, "Okay. Breakfast?"

  


* * *

"You don't have to do that," Gojyo whined.

"Your shoulder needs to be put back in its place," Hakkai answered lightly, but with an undertone of steel.

Sanzo resisted making the obvious comment about Gojyo needing to be put in his place. Even though Hakkai had won the single bed in the small room as he always did in these situations, leaving the rest of them to pallets on the floor, Sanzo felt almost mellow. Blind, he'd still kicked ass today. Unlike certain people in the room.

"You're not coming anywhere near me!"

"Big baby," Goku said.

"Am not!"

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, "turtles!"

"What? Owwwwww!"

Idiot.

"That wasn't so bad," Hakkai said.

"Yeah," Gojyo answered, sounding choked, "that was just fucking wonderful. Turtles?"

"I needed a distraction. Fictional turtles did the trick."

"I _hate_ you. I'm taking my toys and going home." Suddenly he moved over enough to put him near Sanzo. "I'm staying near the priest. He doesn't attack me after lying about turtles."

"Get away from me, or I _will_ attack you," Sanzo said as he felt his blood pressure start to rise.

"But you're so _warm_, and I'm injured and need warmth."

Liar. Sanzo could feel Gojyo's body heat radiating out toward him. "I'm not here for you to take advantage of. Get on your own pallet."

"Aw!"

  


* * *

Sanzo woke up with Gojyo plastered to his back and Goku nestled against his front, making him the filling in an idiot sandwich. Damn, he'd been around Goku long enough to be using food metaphors. Gojyo smelled excited, but he always did. Sanzo fought the urge to squirm, certain that movement would make it worse. They were so hot against him....

Gojyo's arm moved over him. Sanzo identified it by length.

Goku suddenly shouted, "Gojyo! You have your hand in my hair, you perverted bastard!"

"Your hair? I thought it felt too bushy," Gojyo answered.

Sanzo was in hell. That had to be the explanation. Was it better or worse that he couldn't see any of this?

"Bushy? What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing!"

"Whose hair were you aiming for? Wait a minute, why would your arm be that low?"

"Why was your _head_ that low?"

Sanzo didn't want to know the answers to any of those questions. "Shut up and let me go back to sleep, or I'll pistol-whip you both! And get your arm and every other body part off me, Gojyo. I don't need you rubbing off against me."

"Yeah!" Goku said.

"Hmph," Gojyo answered. "Tetchy. Do you store your new cane up your ass?"

Goku actually growled. Sanzo didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed by that. "I could shove it up yours, but I'm afraid you might find a way to enjoy it."

"Be nice," Hakkai said from above them. "Perhaps you should all go to your corners now."

"I'm in _my_ pallet," Sanzo answered. Thankfully, Gojyo and Goku backed away, although they muttered the whole time.

  


* * *

When Sanzo woke up, he had Gojyo plastered to him and Goku nestled against him again. But it was a cold morning, Gojyo was warm and too injured to get really freaky, Goku often ended up on top of him, and Sanzo was still sleepy and decided that it wasn't worth the argument. Yet. So he went back to sleep.

  


* * *

Well, _well_. Once upon a time Gojyo hadn't been keen on sleeping near guys, but he'd since learned the benefits. "Hakkai," Gojyo whispered, "take a look at this." He couldn't talk too loud for fear of waking sleeping beauty.

Fortunately, youkai ears were more sensitive than human's, so Hakkai heard him just fine and looked down over the edge of the bed. He then looked impressed, as he should, but he whispered back, "Wait until he wakes up."

"He did once, but he didn't pull away or try to beat me up."

Sanzo slept peacefully in Gojyo's arms. Someone with such a wicked temper and mouth shouldn't look so sweet in his sleep, but he did. Like this, he almost looked too young to be messed with.

Almost.

Gojyo desperately wanted to stroke the peach fuzz growing in the shorn spots on Sanzo's head. Fuzzy Sanzo!

"I bow to the master," Hakkai said with a smile. "But are you sure it's not Goku's influence?"

Muckraker. "He's curled up near Sanzo, but I'm the one with the armful."

Hakkai might know the right Sanzo words, but Gojyo understood the physical stuff and figured out that Sanzo would have to be broken in slowly. Gojyo would have to get him used to being touched and held and stuff. Get him used to the collar, kind of. Oh, pretty thought.

Sanzo looked content right now, so content that he didn't seem like Sanzo. Gojyo wanted to see that more often.

Gojyo had spent most of his life working hard to try to make the people he loved smile.

Yeah, he _wanted_ Sanzo, but he wanted Sanzo to want to be wanted too. Gojyo wanted him to be happier and look less pinched, to have some improvements to his life from having a steady sex life. Gojyo wanted him to be less haunted by whatever the hell his problem was.

Gojyo worried sometimes that lately he might be stressing Sanzo more than the already short-tempered priest could take. He hoped not.

Sanzo woke up suddenly and almost head-butted Gojyo getting out from under his arm and sitting up. His body language had changed somewhat since being blinded, something Gojyo still had to get used to. Though Gojyo did like how Sanzo was now so sensitive that sometimes you could stroke the air near him and he twitched as if he felt it. That had such possibilities.

Hoping for a freakout, Gojyo asked, "Sleep well?"

Sanzo disappointed him with a cool "Once you stopped moving."

"You liked it."

"Enjoy your delusions. Monkey, breakfast."

That immediately brought Goku out of a deep sleep like nothing else would. "I hear they make incredible omelets!"

The award for best distracting use of a monkey went to Sanzo. Those two could be a well-oiled team sometimes.

Ow. Sometimes having a dirty mind could really suck.

"There's only one way to find out," Hakkai said. "We have a long day's drive ahead of us, so we need to be well-fortified."


	3. Chapter 3

Kouryuu returned to consciousness trapped under a great weight. He couldn’t see through this red haze.... Something soft grazed his face. It smelled like his master’s pipe smoke.

It was his master’s hair.

He was lying trapped under his master’s cooling body. Memory came in lightning flashes: the youkai, his master stepping in front of him, the arm upraised to strike, so much blood.... His head must have struck the floor, and the youkai had figured him dead.

When he turned his head he could see his master’s arm lying in a smear of blood across the room.

His hands wanted to scrabble at the bloody, cooling, stiffening mass above him, to get it _off_, yet horror suffused him at handling Koumyou Sanzo that way. Kouryuu could feel his teeth grinding as he tried to hold back the scream that wanted to erupt from him. This hurt like nothing he’d ever felt before, as if his own body had been ripped apart with his master’s, his father’s. Be strong, Genjo Sanzo....

That was him now. Not Kouryuu, the child Koumyou Sanzo had rescued from the river. He was Priest Genjo Sanzo, chosen by the gods to be the thirty-first successor of the Seiten and Maten sutras. The Seiten sutra that had the power to bring forth the light. The Maten sutra that had the power to break the darkness. The Maten sutra that had the power to....

He had to be strong, as his master had commanded.

Koumyou Sanzo had passed on, and this was only flesh. Genjo Sanzo pulled himself out from under the corpse and stood. But he couldn’t stop looking at the blood all over his hands, all over himself.

“Master Sanzo! Kouryuu! Hey, snap out of it! What happened here?”

At that point he realized that Shuuei had come into the room and grabbed him by the shoulders, asking for an explanation. As Kouryuu’s last act, he answered, “I’m--” His thoughts wouldn’t come together.... “I couldn’t protect him.”

Never again. Never again.

Embrace nothing. Be bound to nothing. And to no one.

He no longer had anything keeping him here.

  


* * *

In the driver’s seat, Hakkai watched Sanzo tremble in his sleep and heard his breath catching now and then as if he might sob or scream but refused to. Sitting in the passenger seat with his head tilted down, Sanzo had his hair shielding his face from view, but his fingers twitched in his lap. Goku and Gojyo slept like the dead, so Hakkai was usually the only one to wake to the sound of Sanzo’s occasional nightmares. Or to the sound of the others’ when they had them. He knew better than to try to wake any of them during these times.

But it hurt to be a helpless spectator, something he knew too well. He wanted to help....

Eventually Sanzo stilled and his breathing evened out. Hakkai watched for a while longer, then returned to sleep.

When they woke the next morning, Sanzo either didn’t remember the dream or wouldn’t admit to it. He just about vibrated with impatience as Hakkai used his chi to feel out the lingering damage in his head. Damn Gojyo for mentioning those spots where the hair grew back in, because now they tempted Hakkai worse than they would have otherwise. He kept his fingers on less emotionally-charged parts of Sanzo’s head and touched only lightly.

“Some swelling still lingers, but it’s almost gone,” Hakkai said as he moved away a little, giving Sanzo space. “I’m wondering even more now if someone might be keeping you blind.”

“Some power is involved? Is there a way for you to tell if it’s there and who’s responsible?”

“Unfortunately no. If it is there, the way it’s using physical damage as a foundation and camouflage makes it hard to find evidence of it, let alone give me the opportunity to see if there’s some kind of identifier.”

“If someone’s responsible, I want him dead for this.”

“Of course.”

  


* * *

The youkai swarmed too closely and thickly for Sanzo to use his cane, so he had his gun out, shooting when he wasn’t punching, kicking, and ducking. It looked like he should use the sutra.

“Sanzo!” Hakkai yelled. “It would seem to be time to use the--”

“You don’t have to tell me my job!” he yelled back.

After throwing himself forward, knocking enemies out of the way to give himself a little clear space, he started the chant, clearing his mind of everything but the power. Fortunately, the force that already came off him even as he started helped protect him a bit from enemies. Bright power flowed inside him like healing sunlight, power that he could see with his eyes closed. As the Maten sutra triggered, exploding outward, as usual he felt as if he stood at the center of a tornado.

He seemed so small by comparison when it finished.

Opening his eyes, he winced at the residual light. And color? As he blinked the smear of light and color took on details until he could see everything clearly, although the sunlight stabbed at his eyes in a painful way. Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku finished off the youkai who’d escaped the sutra.

The sutra. The Maten sutra... which breaks the darkness.

Shit. Kanzeon had told him that his cure was very close to him. Would have been nice if se’d told him it was sitting on his fucking shoulders the whole fucking time.

  


* * *

As Hakkai finished his last opponent, he looked over to see how Sanzo was, then looked again as he realized that Sanzo was looking back, _seeing_ him. It was obvious in the movement of his eyes and tilt of his head. His sight had returned. Hakkai figured that he was probably smiling stupidly in his joy but didn’t care, simply glad that Sanzo would feel whole again. Then Sanzo started cursing in such length and anger that it should have blistered the air and killed its main target, the Merciful Goddess. Hakkai put his hands over Goku’s ears.

“I’ve heard it all before!” Goku protested as he pulled the hands away.

“Not so much of it at once. I’m almost feeling faint,” Gojyo answered with a smirk.

“Wow, yeah. He _is_ pissed off.”

“He can see again, right?”

“Yes,” Hakkai answered.

“Really?” Goku asked, then said, “I told you that nothing could keep Sanzo down.”

Hakkai saw a sudden swirl of color form near Sanzo. “Sanzo, look--”

Sanzo dodged away and had his gun up as he asked, “Who the hell are you?”

The youkai that now stood there said, “Such a shame. I was having such fun watching you stumble around.”

“You kept me blinded?”  


“How could I pass up such a golden opportunity?”

Sanzo fired, but the youkai didn’t stand there anymore, disappearing in a swirl similar to the one it arrived in. He started to reappear at Sanzo’s back to his left, in a good position to strike. But Sanzo had closed his eyes and whirled around to face him and blow his head off, leaving him quite dead.

It looked to Hakkai as if Sanzo had used the senses he’d developed and refined while blind to find and kill his opponent. He’d felt the youkai reappear without needing to see him.

“Stupid as well as weak,” Sanzo said. “You should have killed me instead of played with me.” From the expression on his face, he appeared to be fiercely happy. Looking at Hakkai and Gojyo, he asked with a sneer, “You still want me now?”

“Yes,” they both said, without hesitation.

Sanzo’s momentary expression of surprise took years off his age and widened his eyes. Then he winced and blinked.

“Sanzo?” Hakkai asked.  


“World’s too fucking bright at the moment,” Sanzo muttered as he put his gun away.

Gojyo took a pair of dark sunglasses out of a pocket of his jacket and handed them to Sanzo. “I liked them so much from that disguise that time that I kept them. Enjoy.”

Sanzo regarded them in his hand as if he expected them to explode, then put them on. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  


* * *

“It’s a shame I didn’t think to order us pizza while Sanzo-sama was still blind,” Gojyo said as he picked up a slice. “That would have been fun to watch.”

“You’d like to have my fingers dragging through your cheese?” Sanzo asked, annoyed.

“On one level that’s disgusting, but on another it sounds like a euphemism for something dirty.”

“It would, to you.”

As much as Sanzo appreciated being able to see as he ate, which helped stop his food from escaping him as it had during his blindness, dinner was an oddly uncomfortable experience. After all this time reconstructing faces for his traveling companions in his head, seeing them again gave him the shock of realizing that he’d misremembered them. His mind had made them into caricatures, picturing Hakkai ever smiling in a fake way, Gojyo ever leering and smirking, and Goku much shorter.

Their room for the night had a mirror in it, which showed him that he hadn’t even remembered himself correctly, though it could partly be that he’d lost some weight from his recent struggles with food. Surely his collarbones hadn’t always protruded so much. He didn’t look forward to seeing his ribs. The bare spots on the back of his head didn’t look as big or as bad as he’d imagined. But he had to sternly tell himself not to touch the fuzz growing in. It wouldn’t be dignified. Especially not with the others watching him so carefully.

He kept catching all of them looking at him with idiot grins, forcing him to smack them with his fan and growl.

Everything seemed brighter and louder and wrong, putting him off balance. He hoped that would fade as he became accustomed to seeing again. At least he could handle the dimmer light used inside the inn at night.

Who knew that it would be difficult to readjust himself to his natural condition?

Tomorrow he would probably have to wear the sunglasses he borrowed from Gojyo. Gojyo better not make anything of it.

“I’m going outside to smoke,” Sanzo said. “Alone.”

Goku sulked, but the monkey could just live with it. Sanzo needed to get away.

Outside, he enjoyed the night and the ability to light up a cigarette without having to grope himself, his pack, and his lighter and overthink everything. Sight took what had seemed like ten extra steps out of the process.

“It’s a pretty night,” Kanzeon said. “The kind that makes you feel thankful for what you have.”

“I’m not in the mood for you, bitch.”

“You’re never in the mood. Not that I care.”

“The cure is closer than I realize. Very funny.”

“I thought it was.” Se smiled. “I was helpful.”

“Like hell.”

“You’ve been a prissy, uptight little bitch through several hundred years and lives. Anything that forces you to loosen up is a good thing. I’m sure you’ll start to see things differently now.”

Very funny. As if he cared what se thought. “Fuck off.”

“Grouchy.” Se disappeared into a flash of light and the scent of incense and flowers.

It surprised him that se had nothing to say about Gojyo and Hakkai declaring their lust for him. It seemed like the kind of thing se would find highly amusing, especially given hir crack about him being a prissy, uptight little bitch.

When he returned, none of the others remained in the room. But they’d left a newspaper. Sanzo’s fingers didn’t shake at all as he took his reading glasses out of his sash and put them on, then picked up the paper and sat on the bed.

  


* * *

As they cracked open the door to watch, Goku whispered, “That was a great idea, Hakkai! It made him happy.”

“That’s what I hoped for,” Hakkai answered and discreetly elbowed Gojyo back.

“He’s smiling.”

By Sanzo’s standards, he was.

Gojyo grinned at Hakkai as he tilted his head toward Goku. It did look as if they’d gained some points from Goku with this gesture. Even better, they had made Sanzo happy, touched him.

Sanzo suddenly looked toward them and yelled, “Close the door! I’m not entertainment for you!”

Goku obeyed, while Gojyo asked, “How long is it before his other senses start to fade back to normal?”

“Ah, it’s hard to say,” Hakkai answered. “It’s different for everyone.”

“Great.” Then Gojyo smiled. “_Great_.”

“What?” Goku asked.

“Just something I noticed that might make things happier. So, do we pass muster, monkey?”

“I’m not a monkey! You’re not helping yourself.”

“Sorry.”

“You and Hakkai seem to be trying to make Sanzo happy, so keep up the good work on that. But I’ll still be watching.”

“I didn’t know you were kinky.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“So many obvious answers to that.”

“Where are we supposed to go, anyway? We only have one room.” Goku’s face took on a determined expression. “I’m going in.”

“It was nice knowing you,” Gojyo said as he waved goodbye.

Goku walked in and closed the door. How unfortunate that they’d finally found an inn with thick walls, because Hakkai couldn’t make out a word. He vaguely heard Sanzo sounding annoyed and Goku alternating between whining and a measured, reasonable tone. Eventually, the talking stopped without Goku being ejected from the room.

Gojyo shook his head. “Goku’s the only one who can get away with that.”

“True,” Hakkai answered. Sanzo certainly allowed Goku liberties.

“You think he’ll ever figure it out?”

“Goku or Sanzo?”

“Both. Either. ‘Course if Sanzo did, the carte blanche would be over. The monkey wouldn’t be unthreatening anymore.”

“I’m not so sure of that.”

“Ow. Thank you for giving me a mental image I’ll have to scrub out of my brain.”

It was Gojyo’s own fault for having such a dirty mind. “I live to please.”

“You do that.” Gojyo’s smile took on a lecherous air, and he put his arm around Hakkai’s shoulders. “Let’s go drinking, paint the town. Celebrate. We have a sighted holy pain in the ass back with us.”

Hakkai found it hard to resist him when he was in such a mood. “We do have a victory to celebrate. Lead on.”

  


* * *

Sanzo stared at Goku over the top edge of his paper. Still, at least he could stare now. “I said I didn’t want an audience.”

Grinning, Goku settled under the covers of the other bed. “I’m not watching you. I’m going to bed.”

“I need the light to read.”

“I’ll put the covers over my head to make it dark for me. That way I can’t see you either.”

Goku had refuted the reasonable arguments. That left only the arguments that would make Sanzo look stupid. Being averse to looking stupid, Sanzo said, “Don’t snore.” One might as well tell the ocean not to be salty, but effort counted.

“Okay!” Goku put the covers over his head, leaving only a big lump in Sanzo’s sight.

It was... good to be able to see Goku again.

Annoyed with himself as well as the monkey, Sanzo went back to reading his newspaper. Within minutes, Goku began to snore. Sanzo continued reading anyway. If he smacked the monkey around, that would wake him up and lead to talking and staring. Snoring was preferable.

A little while later, Sanzo set aside his paper, put out the lights, set the Maten sutra aside, and quickly and easily chose which of the two beds he’d sleep in tonight. At least if Goku molested him, it would be unconscious or by accident.

Besides, Goku put out a lot of heat, which would make the cold night more comfortable. It felt very warm under the covers. Sanzo gave Goku as much space as the bed allowed and eventually fell asleep.

  


* * *

They swayed together as they walked up the stairs. Gojyo, who had his arm over Hakkai’s shoulder, knew that Hakkai didn’t get buzzed as he did, so the swaying with him had to be a companionable thing. Hakkai did things like that.

“I want you so bad, but we have a monk anna monkey who would kill us,” Gojyo said. “And the monk’s ability to aim is back.”

Hakkai smiled. “It’s a shame that villager chased us out of that alley.”

“Yeah! Who says he had to walk there this late at night? He was probably up to no good.”

When they opened the door to the room, Sanzo popped partly up from bed with his gun in hand. “What?”

“Just us, Sanzo,” Hakkai answered mildly.

“Oh.” Sanzo dropped back down.

“I think he was actually still asleep,” Hakkai whispered.

“Sleepkilling. That would have been fun,” Gojyo replied, then noticed Goku snuggling in closer to Sanzo. “Heh. Look at how cute they are, cuddling like that.”

Hakkai pinched the rim of his ear. It hurt. “You will not say something snide about that in the morning.”

“I know Goku’s helping by getting Sanzo used to being touched and snuggled, but c’mon. They’re so damn cute. I tease because I love.”

Hakkai smiled again but said, “Keep the goal in mind.”

“Yes, coach. Bed?”

  


* * *

Sanzo woke to what appeared to be a gray, drizzly morning, which would mean a damp ride in the jeep. He didn’t look forward to it. It took him a moment to realize that he _saw_ things again, still. It surprised him, since few positive things stayed.

During a gray, rainy day, he wouldn’t need to use Gojyo’s shades.

Goku made a muffled sound and grabbed Sanzo tighter. _That_ he should have expected. Sanzo noticed Gojyo awake and watching them, so he asked, “No smart comments to make?”

“Uhm. No,” Gojyo answered, looking languid as usual but also a little uncomfortable.

“Are you sure? I know that the urge to say something stupid must be overwhelming.”

“Sanzo,” Hakkai said suddenly, “could you please stop goading Gojyo?”

Giving Sanzo a nearly conspiratorial look and smile, Gojyo asked, “Your time of the month, Hakkai?” The halfbreed had a death wish.

Hakkai twitched, then his habitual smile settled back into place. “That would be a good excuse to cut you off, wouldn’t it?”

“Ow. Burn. It’s not healthy to go without sex. Look at Sanzo.”

“Let’s not,” Sanzo said.

“But you’re so cute!”

This conversation had to be terminated. “It hasn’t started raining yet, but it looks like it may start at any moment. I want to get as much distance done today as possible.”

“But we’re getting breakfast, right?” Goku asked into Sanzo’s chest.

“If we make it fast.”

“I can do that!”

  


* * *

After a day of mist and drizzle, the rain came in the late afternoon in what seemed like sheets of water. Visibility dropped to almost zero. You didn’t need to be Hakkai to know that Hakuryuu’s loud, indignant “Kyuuuu!” translated to “The hell I’m driving much farther in this shit.” Fortunately they found a town nearby to stop for the night in.

Once they had their rooms, two this time, they all towel-dried their hair and changed out of their clothing. Sanzo did it privately and quickly, shivering all the while. With his robes soaked through, he put on just jeans, one of his sleeveless high-collared tops, socks, and the other pair of his usual fingerless gloves.

When he returned to the other room, he saw that everyone had changed into loose, warm clothing. Hakkai smiled as he shuffled a deck of cards. “It’ll be hours until we usually sleep. Anyone want to play cards to pass the time?”

“Yeah. Now that my sight is back, I don’t have to worry so much about Gojyo cheating me,” Sanzo answered.

“I’m so hurt. You’ll have to make it up to me somehow, Sanzo-chan,” Gojyo replied.

“I don’t think so,” Goku said, sounding almost threatening.

As they sat at the small table and played, Sanzo noticed that Hakkai and Gojyo were watching him closely and didn’t bother to hide it from each other. At first he wanted to snap at them for staring, but doing that would only draw more attention to it and him. But as time went on, he could feel his body instinctively responding to the heat in their gazes and the way their eyes followed his every move. They looked at him as if they liked what they saw, and not in the way too many people did, the people who only saw a Sanzo. Even Goku had an idealized outlook on him sometimes. They somehow didn’t look at him in the way so many people who considered him a too-pretty man did either. While staring, Hakkai and Gojyo seemed to see _him_. It was annoying... and a bit arousing.

They saw him, yet they still wanted him. He had the power here.

Did he really just light up a cigarette and start smoking just to watch them watch his mouth? He told himself that he was just curious, that’s all, and it made him smirk to see them react to him. But he knew that was bullshit. He was fucking _flirting_ with them.

Was he really even thinking about this? This was stupid. He didn’t need the attachments.

But he was already attached to these idiots by divine will. If he had no choice anyway, maybe he could find a way to get something out of it. They’d claimed they wanted the sex to please him, something no one had bothered with before.

“Ha!” Goku said as he set down his hand for everyone to see. “I win!”

“What?” Gojyo answered, genuinely outraged. “That’s impossible.”

“You and Hakkai are pathetic tonight, so it’s not like it’s something to be really proud of, but yeah, I won.” Goku looked at Sanzo, and Sanzo suddenly had the thought that Goku knew exactly what was going on here. “Do you want me to go to dinner or something, Sanzo?”

Gojyo looked shocked, but Hakkai didn’t seem surprised. Stung by Hakkai’s reaction and the thought that Hakkai might know Goku better than he did, Sanzo decided to try to surprise Hakkai himself. “If you want to.”

__

That worked. Hakkai looked surprised and hopeful at once. Gojyo looked smug. What a surprise.

Sanzo wasn’t sure _he_ knew what would happen next, but he wanted to get it settled, and he knew that having Goku here would give him too much of a temptation to sidestep the situation.

“Yeah, Sanzo. I’ll come back later.” Goku looked downhearted but also resolute.

Sanzo didn’t know what to say to him. Some words and phrases had never come easily to him nor come out sounding as they should have. But, while looking at him, Goku smiled suddenly, reacting to _something_, then took Sanzo’s gold card from his hand and left the room.

Hakkai and Gojyo leaned forward a bit, predatory and intimidating, but Sanzo knew that he could smack them down with a simple No. Knowing that he had the power here, he merely stared back, blew out a long plume of smoke, and said, “You must want it badly if it’s fucking up your game that much.”

“You’re being very enticing, Sanzo,” Hakkai said.

“You’re not just teasing, are ya?” Gojyo asked. “Because the way you’ve been sitting for the last few minutes is making promises I really hope you’ll keep.”

Sanzo realized that he’d sprawled back a bit with his hips forward and his legs a bit open. “I’m... interested.”

They didn’t seem to be competing for him, instead making their play as a unit. It might be interesting.

“I like to hear a little more enthusiasm.” Gojyo stood, approached Sanzo, then dropped to his knees between Sanzo’s legs and rested his arms on Sanzo’s thighs. “I think I have a way to get it.”

Sanzo’s cock jumped a little. “You’re that conceited?”

“Confident.” Gojyo’s thumbs lightly stroked up Sanzo’s inner thighs, maddening. “You’re not moving away or hitting me with anything.”

“Your grasp of the obvious amazes me.”

Gojyo unzipped Sanzo’s jeans and drew out Sanzo’s cock but didn’t do anything further. “Nobody complains about my grasp.”

“Your fingers are cold.”

“And you’re not wearing underwear.”

Refusing to tell him to get on with it, Sanzo instead took a long drag on his cigarette and asked, “What do you hope to gain from this?” Denials didn’t work as well with his hard, idiot cock exposed and held in a loose grip, and he really wanted to know. They must think they could gain some advantage here.

“The pleasure of your company, Sanzo,” Hakkai answered easily. He remained in his seat, watching. Waiting, perhaps.

“We don’t think you’re the type to turn mushy over sex,” Gojyo said, “so that’s not what’s up. We just want you, that’s all, and figure that we can make you feel good. Only advantage I figure to get out of it is sex.”

“Are you just going to hold it now?” Sanzo finally snapped.

Gojyo smiled. “Interested?”

Gojyo moved forward and tongued the head in a few flickers of wet heat, then pulled back, his vibrantly red hair swinging. The chill air on Sanzo’s wetted skin came as shock.

Sanzo almost bit through his cigarette at the sensations and would have backed away if Gojyo hadn’t retained a grip on him. “Now who’s a tease?” he asked. Not knowing what would come next, he stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray before it became a hazard.

“Definitely interested. Cold? I’ll warm you up.”

Sanzo hissed as Gojyo smoothly went down on him and started to suck. Obviously Gojyo intended to warm him up with his mouth, finally putting it to good use. From the rush of hot pleasure and pressure Sanzo felt, it seemed to be working. Gojyo also stroked under the waistband of Sanzo’s jeans with his fingers, light and sensitizing. It all felt too good and put Sanzo too far out of his own control. Gojyo would have to be good at this kind of thing, considering all the sex he had, but it didn’t seem... fair. Which was a stupid thought, and Sanzo blamed the blowjob for his sudden inanity.

Sanzo didn’t know what to do with his hips or hands. He sure as hell didn’t want to look desperate or too eager, thrusting too hard or gripping Gojyo’s silky looking hair. The sight of Gojyo’s head bobbing in his lap produced a reaction that Sanzo couldn’t control. At this rate he wouldn’t last long, which would be embarrassing.

“You seem to be worried that it feels good,” Hakkai said, who sat there watching with what seemed to be great interest. “Sanzo, if it doesn’t feel good it’s not being done right.”

Gojyo murmured around Sanzo’s cock, which made thinking almost impossible. Somehow Sanzo managed to answer, “I’m not worried.”

The contented sounds Gojyo made confused Sanzo. What could he possibly be getting out of doing this? Sanzo had never enjoyed it.

“You can pull on Gojyo’s hair a little,” Hakkai said. “He likes that.”

Pervert. Then again, Gojyo wasn’t the one with someone’s head in his lap while someone else watched. Sanzo’s hands settled cautiously in red hair that _was_ as soft as it looked. The vibrations of Gojyo’s pleased murmuring around his cock made the move worthwhile. Rarely touching people, Sanzo hadn’t given much thought to the weight and feeling of presence other people could have. With the pressure and pleasure building inexorably, it became harder not to make a sound or thrust hard.

“You can let go of yourself, Sanzo.”

“I do what I want, Hakkai.”

Then Gojyo did something with his fingers and tongue that made control impossible. Overwhelmed, unable to help himself, Sanzo came with a long harsh gasp. He came to feeling loose and nearly stoned while just about sharing the chair with Gojyo, whose face was so close.... “I don’t... I don’t kiss,” Sanzo said. At the look on Gojyo’s face, Sanzo said, “I don’t kiss anyone.”

“Gojyo,” Hakkai said. Being them, Gojyo took that to mean “Come here and kiss me,” since that’s what he did. They kissed thoroughly and with tongue, lingering over it, while Hakkai’s fingers looked casually possessive as they combed through and gripped Gojyo’s hair. Sanzo wondered if Hakkai could taste him on Gojyo’s lips and tongue and didn’t know what he thought about that. There was something eye-catching and familiar about them like this, although they usually kept their physical displays out of Sanzo’s sight. He saw them entire at the moment, including aspects he’d never cared to be confronted with.

Gojyo was still hard, unsatisfied. It felt like a failure, somehow. If Sanzo had to act like a slut, he should do it well. “Is that all? It looks like you didn’t finish.”

As Hakkai’s face pressed against and nuzzled the side of Gojyo’s neck, Gojyo grinned and asked, “How so, San-chan?” At Sanzo’s pointed look groin-ward, he said, “Oh, that. You wanna do something about that?”

“I might, if you avoid the stupid endearments.”

“You could let Hakkai fuck you.”

Hakkai looked as surprised as Sanzo felt. “How does that get you off?” Sanzo had to ask.

“It’ll work. So, are ya game?”

Sanzo still didn’t see Gojyo’s angle or what satisfaction he would gain from it. Still, he’d be more willing to let Hakkai fuck him than Gojyo. With Gojyo it would devolve into a stupid argument and endless gibes over what it meant to be on top. As far as Sanzo could tell, Hakkai didn’t bother so much with such things.

Then again, they’d kept their own sex lives hidden from him, at his demand. What did he know about Hakkai’s views on sex aside from knowing that the man would kill a thousand youkai for a lover’s sake? At least Cho Gonou had. Cho Hakkai was a different man, but also a man who wore masks.

Involvement and attachment had peril. Philosophical and religious instruction had said as much, while experience had branded it into his mind and body.

Sanzo sat here with his dick already out while a traveling companion still had his taste in his mouth. He’d passed the time when he could back out gracefully. “Yeah.” He’d enjoyed the blowjob, so maybe they’d find a way to make the fucking good as well.

Now they both looked surprised, which gave Sanzo a warm glow of satisfaction. “Yes?” Hakkai asked.

“How many times do I need to say yes? Don’t make me change my mind.”

“Yeah, don’t let him start thinking about it,” Gojyo said as he let go of Hakkai.

Hakkai cast a wry look back at him, then approached Sanzo the way someone might approach a wild animal, cautious and slow and broadly friendly. Sanzo showed his teeth as any wild animal might and let Hakkai figure out whether it was a smile, a snarl, or a hybrid child of both. In truth, he was amused. Hakkai’s uncertainty about him made him feel less edgy about what he’d just agreed to.

They’d wanted him to do this blind? It never would have worked for him. He was far too paranoid.

Hakkai stopped in front of his chair, though not so close that he couldn’t stand and leave if he wished, and took off his monocle and shirt. The shirt caught briefly on one of his limiter ear clips, which made Gojyo take in a long breath before breathing out as the shirt came free without pulling it off. Sanzo couldn’t tell if that breath in had been fear or anticipation. Hakkai didn’t let any of them see his full youkai form. The long scar on his belly still looked evil, as befitted the mark of a wound that had left his intestines hanging out. Did Gojyo, who claimed he’d stuffed those intestines back in, touch the scar or avoid it when they fucked? Hakkai’s brown hair looked ruffled and a bit wild now. So far he’d stripped with a light matter-of-fact air, but as he started to unbutton his pants his expression took on a bit of challenge, a bit of “Well?”

Sanzo stood himself and pulled his shirt off. But as he went to take off one long glove, Hakkai murmured, “Leave them on,” and smiled. Gojyo laughed. Sanzo ran his hand down his glove-wrapped arm, ending at the ring on his middle finger, and smiled at how Hakkai watched it. A Gojyo-like voice in Sanzo’s head--and how disturbing was it to _have_ such a voice?--said, _Looks like someone has a kink_.

To Sanzo’s satisfaction, Hakkai didn’t have his “I’m harmless” smile on. It showed respect. Hakkai would know that he never trusted that smile from anyone.

  


* * *

They hadn’t even done anything to each other, yet Gojyo was about ready to come just from watching them. Yeah, making Sanzo lose it with the blowjob had been arousing, but watching these two circle and stare like wild animals in competition jacked him right up. Watching Sanzo being deliberately provocative in a sexual way blew his mind.

It had surprised him at first that Hakkai had chosen to do the hard and dangerous look for Sanzo’s first time since he usually preferred the tender or playful approach, but Gojyo quickly realized that Hakkai figured that Sanzo wouldn’t trust either of those. Sanzo, twisted up bastard he was, would see the tenderness as a lie and the playfulness as laughing at him. That left unbridled lust.

That seemed to be working well. Gojyo couldn’t resist Hakkai when he went all dangerous and determined, and it looked like Sanzo couldn’t either, though he tried. Gojyo really wanted to see what Hakkai would be like full youkai, but Hakkai wouldn’t go for it....

Sanzo wouldn’t let Gojyo claim his ass, at least not this early. Hakkai doing it would be like fucking by proxy as well as enjoyable to watch and a way of warming up the cold iron priest.

  


* * *

Hakkai had his fly open, which nearly had them on equal footing where clothing was concerned. Sanzo still wore his gloves and rings as well as his pants and socks, and it felt odd. He always put the gloves on after his shirt. But like hell he’d show his discomfort.

At that or at the way Hakkai pressed against him, nuzzling and nipping at his neck. It felt uncomfortably good, but.... “Why are you taking the scenic route?”

“I like to. If you need more reason, tell yourself that I prefer to relax my partner more for a smoother ride.”

“You’re making fun of me.”

“A little, maybe.” Hakkai’s good-natured smile looked genuine. “I don’t know what you’re used to, but I’m not a barbarian. If I thought you would tolerate it, I would give you a good massage first.”

Sanzo couldn’t imagine dragging this out so long. “No way.”

Gojyo made a frustrated sound. “You two are killing me!” Still fully dressed, he sat in a chair with his feet propped up on the table and an avid look on his face. Given how tight his pants currently looked, he couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

Annoyed at being Gojyo’s entertainment, even though he’d agreed to it, Sanzo snapped, “Will you be getting off tonight?”

“I don’t want to come too fast. If I get off during the warm-up, I might not be good to go again in enough time. Can’t take the risk. I’m not as young as I used to be, and I want to come during the actual fucking. And you’re a moron for turning down a Hakkai massage.”

“I’ll do without.”

“A shame,” Hakkai murmured against the side of Sanzo’s neck.

Hakkai stroked Sanzo with his hands, lips, and whole body, distracting the hell out of him. It felt so good that it almost hurt. He was accustomed to a brisk, efficient version of that touch taking pain away, but this time it teased, lingered, and left him tingling and shivering. With this encouragement, his treacherous flesh developed a mind of its own, wanting more. Unsurprising, since Hakkai spoiled it more than Sanzo did. Despite the blowjob, it became aroused again.

When he felt the edge of the bed behind his legs, Sanzo had a choice to make. He let himself fall onto the bed.

“C’mon, you could have hooked Hakkai with your legs so he fell with you,” Gojyo said, smirking as usual. “That could have been fun.”

“I don’t have your years of experience as a slut,” Sanzo answered, annoyed. “You could always take my place here. I didn’t ask you for advice.”

“Nah, you’re fine. _Really_ fine.”

Somehow Hakkai had gotten Sanzo’s jeans and socks off during that exchange, and Sanzo had no idea how that had happened. Then again, Hakkai stripped him somewhat to get to his major injuries too, so maybe the practice helped. Hakkai had seen him nearly naked many times before, so this should be nothing now. Somehow it didn’t feel like nothing. Sanzo shivered from the chill in the room. Perhaps sensing Sanzo’s discomfort, damn him, Hakkai took his own pants off and lay down at Sanzo’s side. Some people looked unthreatening and ridiculous naked, but Hakkai looked more imposing with his hard body, scars, and slightly mismatched looking right eye. The narrowness of the bed forced them to be partially on top of one another, tangled body to body, sharing heat.

Hakkai stroked places that shouldn’t have caused any excitement but in ways that made Sanzo want to melt. Hakkai knew his body too well. An advantage and disadvantage of taking your healer to bed, it seemed. Unable to help himself, given the situation, Sanzo touched him back. Tangled together like this, lost in what seemed to almost be full-body touching, Sanzo couldn’t keep track of everything Hakkai did and couldn’t see Hakkai’s hands.

Sanzo felt a faintly burning ache that abruptly and unexpectedly turned into an intense, deep pleasure. Somewhere nearby Gojyo made a strangled-sounding noise.

“Are you all right, Sanzo?” Hakkai asked, his voice soft and deep.

“You have something up my ass. How am I supposed to feel?” Sanzo answered, while Gojyo laughed and said, “Sneaky, ain’t he?”

Whatever it was, Hakkai twisted it inside him, and he couldn’t help writhing and gasping in reaction. Fingers probably. If Sanzo had expected them, he would have tensed up. It was much too late for that now.

Hakkai said, “I would have preferred an answer that let me know whether you want more.”

Sanzo wouldn’t beg for anything. He refused. It annoyed him enough that he couldn’t seem to stop himself from occasionally writhing or making small sounds.

“It’s supposed to feel good,” Hakkai said. “You shouldn’t fight it.”

“It’s... fine.”

Gojyo snorted. “That’s Sanzo-speak for ‘Bring on the main event already.’”

“I concur,” Hakkai said.

Sanzo briefly bit his lip as Hakkai’s fingers withdrew, telling himself that he didn’t miss them at all, then asked, “How are you going to distract and misdirect me this time?” He _would not_ watch Gojyo putting the condom and lubricant on Hakkai’s hard cock. It inspired too many mixed reactions.

“No distractions.”

Sanzo’s heart, stupid thing, sped up. He slowed it through sheer will.

Gojyo kissed Hakkai, then said, “I’d give you some sugar too, but you said you don’t believe in it.”

Annoyed, Sanzo didn’t dignify that with a response. Besides, he had Hakkai lightly caressing the insides of his thighs, parting his legs more and positioning him. It was uncomfortable and disquieting but exciting at the same time. Gojyo moved around the bed to crouch near Sanzo’s head, no doubt to watch.

“It’s a shame you can’t watch yourself,” Gojyo said, visible to Sanzo only as a jawline and wave of red hair now. “It’s some show.”

“That’s stupid.” He couldn’t help exhaling suddenly at the feel of Hakkai pushing into him.

“_He_ didn’t distract you. I did. Bitching seems to relax you.”

For now Hakkai rocked into Sanzo, and Sanzo rocked with him, lost in a sensation he couldn’t even describe, although he could tell that his body wanted more immediately. Even through the feeling of urgency, there was something... relaxing in this. It didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt incredible, not that Sanzo would say anything.

He closed his eyes and coasted on the slowly speeding up thrusts. Without sight, he had a better idea of where the touches were even aside from the fucking and the rubbing of Hakkai’s body along his. Hakkai stroked Sanzo’s arms, mostly where the gloves covered, while Gojyo moved in a similar rhythm, stroking himself probably, and sometimes touched the side of Sanzo’s face. Right now, he could separate their identities better through feel and scent, even with the heavy smell of sex on them and in the air.

Hakkai’s thrusts became more insistent, ragged. “Sanzo....” There was something wave-like in the way Hakkai came then.

Gojyo gasped out Hakkai’s name, then jerked Sanzo to a finish and... kissed his forehead. Sanzo doubted that he would have had the guts to do that if his eyes had been open, watching. It ached a bit when Hakkai pulled out and rested close at his side, but he felt too relaxed to care as much as he should.

Panting, they all three cooled down for a bit. Despite his best efforts, Sanzo dozed off.

  


* * *

Goku knew he should go to the other room but curiosity made him use the key to the room the others stayed in. He could hear gasps, groans, and creaking, but he needed to see. At least the sounds probably covered the noise of the door opening.

Goku knew some things about sex. He’d seen animals doing it, but not people. He suspected that at least half of what Gojyo had to say about sex was bullshit.

He hadn’t expected Sanzo and Hakkai to be facing each other, but it made sense. Sanzo didn’t like to put his back to anyone and he sure as hell wouldn’t willingly go to his knees. Goku couldn’t figure out what Gojyo was up to, but Gojyo moved along with them. Sanzo sometimes made little enjoyment sounds.

The noises, the movements, gave Goku a strange feeling in his gut. It might be a good one. He couldn’t tell. He still didn’t see himself doing any of those things yet, but he understood a bit better.

Goku quietly closed the door and went to the other room. When Sanzo couldn’t take being so close to Gojyo and Hakkai, he’d probably come here.

  


* * *

“Out cold?” Gojyo whispered.

“It would seem so,” Hakkai whispered. Sanzo looked peaceful in exhausted sleep.

The sex had certainly been something. He hoped they could convince Sanzo to do it again sometime.

Resting his head against the side of the bed, Gojyo had a very sated expression on his face. “You fucked him to life.”

Hakkai shook his head but understood what Gojyo meant. Sanzo currently had a healthy flush to his pale skin. He’d already noticed the look of near-serenity Sanzo wore.

“Did you get the feeling that the kind of sex he’s used to isn’t the happy, fun kind where everybody gets off?” Gojyo asked.

“Yes.” Sanzo’s surprised reactions to enjoying it suggested to Hakkai that his past experience had been one of coercion. They had to amend that.

“You’re keeping me awake, and I’m lying in a large wet spot,” Sanzo said suddenly. “I’m out of here.”

Hakkai hadn’t expected Sanzo to stay long, though he’d hoped that Sanzo might sleep a while, so he said nothing. Gojyo, more optimistic or trying to needle Sanzo, said, “You don’t have to take off.”

“Tch.” Sanzo got up and quickly dressed, pointedly ignoring the looks they gave him. Hakkai couldn’t help watching him and enjoying it, while Gojyo had an appreciative smile on his face that Sanzo would usually smack off if he deigned to notice it. Sanzo just as quickly left without a word.

“Do you think he’ll freak out or repress?” Gojyo asked. “Or freak out and _then_ repress?”

“Hard to say. He didn’t seem upset or angry.”

“Yeah, and that worries me.”

“I hope this wasn’t a mistake.”

“Too late now. Whatever will be, will be, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. You are one sexy beast.”

  


* * *

Sanzo ached, but his body felt good too. He hadn’t realized how tense his shoulders had been until they’d just relaxed now. The sex had been pleasurable, done well, so he could better understand how some people turned into total idiots over it.

They’d told him that they wanted him to feel good and kept that promise.

From what he could tell, they would want to do this again, and he had to decide whether he would go along with it. It depended on how they treated him the next time they saw him. If he felt that they were condescending to him that was the end. He would show them the mistake of their ways, by violence if necessary, and never let them lay so much as a single erotic finger on him again.

They better show him respect.

If they respected him as they should, he might go along again if the mood hit him. Perhaps a little indulgence on his own terms now and then would prevent his body from making demands at less opportune times.

But now wouldn’t be a good time to decide anyway, not while he still buzzed from what they’d done to him and couldn’t get this stupid little smile off his face.

Sticky, sweaty, marked with their scent, he needed a bath. A long soak might do him good.

When he went into his room to get his last clean clothes, Goku bounced up off one of the beds. “Sanzo....”

He didn’t look forward to this. How could he explain anything to Goku when he barely made sense of it himself?

He hated when people asked him questions he didn’t have answers to, something he got a lot of as a Sanzo. He’d taken to brusquely brushing people off when they asked him things because it annoyed the shit out of him when other monks pretended to wisdom while ignoring a question by turning it back on the questioner. Bunch of fakers.

Of course, nobody in their group should explain sex to Goku. Sanzo knew he had a jaundiced view, Gojyo would say all kinds of shit, and Hakkai... somehow Sanzo didn’t think that a man whose first lover was his sister and who took a thousand lives in her name should explain sex and love.

“I think I understand now,” Goku said, which scared the hell out of Sanzo worse than a lot of questions would have.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. When I want that myself, I want you to be my first!”

Oh. Fuck.

Sanzo must have had some look on his face, because Goku suddenly took on a thoughtful expression and said, “Okay, maybe you wouldn’t want me when I don’t know anything, so I’d go to someone else to get that over with and then come to you.”

A man couldn’t have a heart attack in his early 20s, could he? “Like hell you will!”

Goku brightened. “You _will_ be my first time? That’s great.” He bounced over, quickly kissed Sanzo on the lips, and went to the doorway. “Thanks, Sanzo! I’ll give you some time right now. I know you like that. I left the gold card on the bed.” Then he left the room and went down the hallway at what sounded like a happy, energetic run. A happy, energetic run by a herd of elephants.

Like hell Sanzo would chase after him. Like hell Sanzo knew where to even start untangling what Goku had just decided. Like hell Sanzo could get himself to move or speak at the moment.

What the hell had he opened himself up to?

Damn, he needed a cigarette.

  


* * *

Goku couldn’t stop smiling. He’d timed it all _perfectly_.

You had to be so careful when you asked Sanzo for things. You had to phrase it just right and maybe lead Sanzo to where you wanted him to go. Then, once you got his agreement, you had to run like hell to give him space and make sure you missed his grumbling and chain-smoking. Once the grumbling and chain-smoking stopped and Sanzo had a few hours, he usually accepted whatever he’d agreed to.

Goku only used this method for the really important stuff he wanted. It would suck if it stopped working because he’d overused it.

Sanzo’s lips had parted a bit when Goku had kissed him. They didn’t feel as thin as they so often looked. When Sanzo had walked in he’d looked more relaxed and had a tiny smile on his face, so Gojyo and Hakkai must have treated him well.

Considering what Gojyo was like, by the time Goku was ready to give himself to Sanzo Sanzo should be really experienced and good at sex. Goku probably wouldn’t be able to talk Sanzo into giving him the gold card every time, so he’d have to think of things to do with himself during those times aside from eating.

But Gojyo and Hakkai better keep treating Sanzo right.

  


* * *

“Hunh,” Gojyo said.

“What?”

“Goku just ran down the hall glowing. No, I don’t mean glowing like that, I mean like a happy glow. That was too fast for even the monk to nail him, so it can’t be that. Besides, I don’t think Sanzo will be able to get it up again for a while.”

Hakkai raised an eyebrow. His hair had gone so tousled and wild that he only had one eye visible. “You’re very smug.”

“_We’re_ smug, and we deserve to be. If Goku came out of their room that happy, Sanzo can’t be in a snit.”

Hakkai smiled a little. “That’s true.” His smile abruptly turned more sultry. “This bed is a wreck. I’m afraid that we’ll have to share the other one.”

Ah, stamina. Having a full-youkai partner had many advantages. “Ready to go again already?” Unfortunately.... “I’m not quite there yet.”

“The beds are narrow. We would have to lie almost on top of one another. I’m sure that you’ll eventually find it inspiring.”

“I didn’t say I’d _never_ get there. Feeling frisky?” Gojyo could understand that. Watching Hakkai fuck Sanzo had been very, very hot, so actually being the one doing it had to be a kick.

Hakkai sat back on the war-torn bed a bit, in display. “Isn’t it obvious?” He sounded a bit dangerous, and his nakedness left no doubt about his level of friskiness.

Oh _yeah_. If having Sanzo produced this kind of effect on Hakkai, they would have to have Sanzo more often. “I get top. You topped Sanzo tonight.”

“Let’s see how things work out, shall we?” It almost sounded like a purr.

It put all the right shivers down Gojyo’s spine. If they’d also satisfied Sanzo so well that he’d want to continue with them, the future would be bright indeed.

  


* * *

The tub hadn’t been at all relaxing while he’d had “Goku kissed me, Goku fucking _kissed_ me” running through his head. The little monkey had also decided that Sanzo had agreed to take his virginity, but the kiss was more immediate. If Goku hadn’t started wanting sex by now, at the age of about 518, Sanzo might be dead by the time Goku got a sex drive.

That _would not_ be a sad thing. Aside from the part about being dead.

Hadn’t Sanzo done enough for the monkey by freeing him from his prison, clothing him, feeding his excessive appetite, and trying not to kill him over the years? Now he had to fuck him too? No good deed went unpunished.

Goku was just too damned young. Not in years, but in mental and physical age. He was still a kid. Even if Sanzo felt the inclination to do something to a kid, which he _didn’t_, Sanzo wouldn’t.

Thus, he didn’t have a long soak. Too much distraction. Sanzo merely cleaned himself, then returned to the room. Goku was sitting on the other bed, which he appreciated. Best to get this said before the misunderstanding could fester.

“I won’t do this with you,” Sanzo said.

His cheerful expression didn’t fade. “I know. I’m not ready now.”

Sanzo distrusted that easy agreement. “Exactly.”

“That’ll change.”

Goku was using logic on him. He hated that. What could you say to “That’ll change”? That it won’t? Because Goku _would_ be ready one day, which would make a liar of Sanzo. If Sanzo wouldn’t give him what he wanted at that time, Goku had already said that he’d go to someone else to get the virginity over with. It had sounded more like “anyone else.” There would be no affection there, just some stranger with a cock. Goku might be that... practical, but Sanzo could not be. _Nobody_ messed with Sanzo’s monkey, so that could not be allowed to happen. Which brought them back to Sanzo... deflowering him.

Who the hell had come up with that term anyway?

Maybe Goku would fall in love with someone who would do it. Which would take him away from Sanzo.

Which brought them back to Sanzo doing the devirginizing.

And people wondered why he settled arguments with the paper fan.

Maybe doing this confrontation now was a bad idea. Perhaps they could let it sit for a few years.

On to another topic. “You kissed me.”

“I didn’t do it in public.”

“I can’t have you throwing yourself at me.”

“Do _they_ get to kiss you?”

No need to ask who “they” were. “No.”

Goku had a little tricky light in his eyes that Sanzo didn’t trust. “Okay. I won’t throw myself at you again.”

No matter what might be going through the little monkey’s head, if he tried something Sanzo would fan the shit out of him. “Now I’m going to sleep. It’s been a long night.”

“Good night.”

They slept in separate beds. To Sanzo’s great relief, they were still in separate beds in the morning.

  


* * *

Goku didn’t like agreeing to no kisses because he’d liked the kiss. It had been warm and an excuse to get closer. Plus, Sanzo’s lips felt nice. But if Sanzo didn’t like it, he wouldn’t do it.

But maybe he could eventually change Sanzo’s mind on liking it. Things changed. It was something to work toward.

Besides, Sanzo was nearly twitching now. He must have had too much of everything tonight--too many people pushing him on too many things--while Goku wanted him to be relaxed and happy. Goku would have to watch Gojyo and Hakkai around Sanzo tomorrow.

  


* * *

Waking up alone in bed, without being crowded by anyone, had been good. Aside from the slight ache in his ass, Sanzo felt well, less tense, even despite the stress of Goku’s anticipated sexual maturity. He was accustomed to something hurting every morning anyway.

Goku sprawled on his back in the bed, snoring. He’d looked much younger when Sanzo had freed him a few years ago. It seemed to be a great change in such a little time.

Time passed. Sanzo’s master would have said something about the natural cycle and leaves, and Sanzo would answer that he was welcome to participate in the natural cycle by raking the leaves himself instead of leaving it to some poor unfortunate he’d no doubt fished out of the river just to use as slave labor.

It gave Sanzo some peace to know that he’d be a cranky, cynical bastard even if the youkai hadn’t slaughtered his master. This was him, not what they’d made.

Although he’d probably be less violent if he and his master had been left to live their lives.

Hell. It had happened and couldn’t be undone. He was who he was. Maybe he was meant to be like this. His master would no doubt say something like that, although he would also say that Sanzo should smile more.

“I smell eggs cooking,” Sanzo said.

Goku instantly awoke. “Yeah! They smell great!” He grinned at Sanzo and went off to dress.

At the table downstairs it could have been any morning. Goku shoveled food into his mouth, occasionally commenting on how good everything was, while Sanzo ate more sedately and smoked. Goku approved when he ordered a second helping of the eggs.

When Gojyo and Hakkai came down, both of them looking somewhat sleepless, Gojyo gave Sanzo’s shoulder a quick, possessive grab, but he always did that kind of shit anyway. Gojyo and Hakkai continued the “any morning” theme around him, though Sanzo could swear that their looks at him were somewhat warmer but _not_ heated and inappropriate.

“Do you feel well this morning, Sanzo?” Hakkai asked.

“Yeah. I think we can make an early start.”

“Slave driver,” Gojyo growled.

“You didn’t have to keep yourselves up all night,” Sanzo answered.

“You could have kept up with us.”

Comfortable, Sanzo made his decision and said, “Maybe another time.” He’d enjoyed the sex, and the others hadn’t let it make them stupid about him, so why not?

Gojyo and Hakkai smiled. Even Goku looked oddly pleased. “We’ll keep that in mind,” Hakkai said.

Besides, it could be another source of discipline. If they displeased Sanzo badly enough, he could always cut them off. Content, Sanzo hid his smile behind his teacup.

 

### End


End file.
